In his impactful and moving memoir “Man’s search for meaning”, psychiatrist & Nazi concentration camp survivor Viktor Frankl observed that those who survived were not the “physically fittest or strongest” but those who had a purpose, something to look forward to. He even credited his own survival to having the goal of completing a book,Continue reading “Lost my sense of purpose”
Tag Archives: life
“The buddy days are over”?
I can hear the song “The dog days are over” by Florence + The Machine playing in my head. And maybe, for me, “the buddy days are over”. “[…] The buddy days are over The buddy days are done […] […] Run fast […] […] Leave all your love and your longing behind You can’tContinue reading ““The buddy days are over”?”
Washing off the grime
[Trigger warning: objectification/sexualization, unwanted sexual attention.] Yesterday, I went for a swim in the small pool of our apartment complex, then took a shower, and finally took a bath at night. I feel terribly about it from the environmental viewpoint but I really needed it for my emotional health. I needed to wash off theContinue reading “Washing off the grime”
More loss — Making space for the new
[Content warning: friends-breakup, loss, grief.] “Yeah, I’m sure he’s a good guy. But if he’s stuck in a toxic relationship with a manipulative woman, that says something about him, too. You cannot be around toxicity without some of it rubbing off onto you…” My buddy’s words from ten days ago echo in my head. He’sContinue reading “More loss — Making space for the new”
My godmother is gone
[Trigger warning: death, loss, grief.] “M.B. passed away this afternoon. Her sister sent me a message to let me know.” I’m sitting at my desk, checking old, archived messages from my mother — old and archived because I generally don’t want to communicate with her and have her blocked most of the time. Her messageContinue reading “My godmother is gone”
How much courage does it take?
Nearly two decades ago, I went through one of my most painful breakups, my first really painful breakup. At the time, I was in grad school and had been in a very intense and complicated, mostly long-distance, more-than-platonic relationship with a guy I loved very deeply and who sincerely loved me back. He was veryContinue reading “How much courage does it take?”
Mid-life crisis?
I’m not sleeping well. I wake up in the middle of the night and have trouble falling back asleep because I start ruminating — or my ruminations make the whole night restless. A lot of the rumination comes from practical issues making me anxious right now: politics, my own financial instability, looming work deadlines. ButContinue reading “Mid-life crisis?”
Double impossibility
I just got home from my run — a good, satisfying workout, and yet what I feel is that I want to cry. I feel a deep, intense sadness. I feel sad. I’ve been ruminating for days, maybe weeks, on & off, trying to figure out the causes for why people don’t like me physically/sexuallyContinue reading “Double impossibility”
Boiled peanuts
[Trigger warnings: death; grief] “Is there anything you’d like to say?”, Maya, Ron’s fiancé, asks him, as the five of us are sitting around the tiny dinner table, ready to tuck into the food. Ron’s eyes get watery, for a moment he seems at a loss for words. “Andrew used to like to have peopleContinue reading “Boiled peanuts”
Avalanche in Tahoe
[Trigger warnings: death; grief] My phone rings. It’s my buddy Ron. We’ve been playing phone tag all day, so I pick up immediately. “Hey A., before we go into anything… there was an avalanche in Tahoe…”, the words catch in his throat as my mind already knows what’s coming next — “… my friend… he’sContinue reading “Avalanche in Tahoe”
The Little Prince and the Fox 