[Trigger warnings: grief; suicide] One of my oldest and dearest friends, who has endured an awful amount of both physical and emotional pain, once stated that people take their own life when the pain (physical or emotional) becomes too intense to endure. That’s probably what brought us close at the beginning, when we met, twoContinue reading “Time to sit with this pain, again”
Tag Archives: life
The mountain is me
“ I’ve become A figment of my imagination That’s why I run Towards self-love and inner restoration ” “I like the person I’ve become”. The thought curses through my head, all of a sudden, almost startling me, as I’m sitting at the table, eating my breakfast cereal, tears streaming down my cheeks and Chance Peña’sContinue reading “The mountain is me”
The many levels of pain beneath the umpteenth rejection
This afternoon, I got the umpteenth rejection. Once again, it was from a gay cis-man. I was expecting it, I had a gut feeling he didn’t return my feelings of physical attraction, but still I needed to clarify explicitly. We’ve been friends for only a couple of months, having met through a common climbing buddy,Continue reading “The many levels of pain beneath the umpteenth rejection”
January: The month of Janus
The name of the month January comes from Latin Janus: in ancient Roman religion and myth, Janus, the guardian of doorways typically depicted with two faces looking to the past and future, is the god of gates, transitions, time, duality, passages, beginnings and endings. The realization hit me as I was brushing my teeth inContinue reading “January: The month of Janus”
Turn of the Year of Healing
The last day of 2025. The last day of this momentous year for me. A hard year that started with me recovering from a double procedure surgery that was also a political act. A year that started with forced healing and continued with deep emotional healing despite, or precisely through, all the hardships: fatigue, (autistic)Continue reading “Turn of the Year of Healing”
“Hopeless Wanderer”
[Trigger warnings: death, loss, grief] This Christmas seems to be turning out more promising, less lonely, than usual: tonight I have the choice between a dinner that my housemate is having with some of their friends at our place or joining one of my closest running buddies to celebrate with his family; tomorrow, I haveContinue reading ““Hopeless Wanderer””
The end…?
It’s the last day of November, an eventful, intense month, “my month”. But as I sit on the couch, sipping my black English breakfast tea on this wintry morning, I feel like more than just this month is over. I feel like I’m nearing “the end”, some “end”. The “end” of what, though? The endContinue reading “The end…?”
The tip of winter is here
Last night, we got the first snow of the season here in Colorado (apart from the snow up in the mountains). It’s been a whole month later that in 2022 & 2023 and four weeks later than last year. It was just a sprinkle, just enough to cover the rooftops, and it’s already almost gone inContinue reading “The tip of winter is here”
“I’ll be OK”
“ I feel the love but not from the ones who love me I’m not alone, so why am I so lonely? I’m too stressed to be depressed I must confess I ain’t so blessed It eats me up but still, I’ve got a heart that’s hungry I’ll be okay, but I’m not okay right now I’ll be okay,Continue reading ““I’ll be OK””
Crash: the lows after the highs
Here it is, the low after the high. Ten days ago, I ran my fastest half marathon on trail, shaving off 7 minutes from the time my coach had projected for me and winning first place nonbinary. I was able to compete & be awarded fairly and to be proudly visible as my trans, nonbinaryContinue reading “Crash: the lows after the highs”
The Little Prince and the Fox 