I can hear the song “The dog days are over” by Florence + The Machine playing in my head. And maybe, for me, “the buddy days are over”. “[…] The buddy days are over The buddy days are done […] […] Run fast […] […] Leave all your love and your longing behind You can’tContinue reading ““The buddy days are over”?”
Tag Archives: relationships
Washing off the grime
[Trigger warning: objectification/sexualization, unwanted sexual attention.] Yesterday, I went for a swim in the small pool of our apartment complex, then took a shower, and finally took a bath at night. I feel terribly about it from the environmental viewpoint but I really needed it for my emotional health. I needed to wash off theContinue reading “Washing off the grime”
More loss — Making space for the new
[Content warning: friends-breakup, loss, grief.] “Yeah, I’m sure he’s a good guy. But if he’s stuck in a toxic relationship with a manipulative woman, that says something about him, too. You cannot be around toxicity without some of it rubbing off onto you…” My buddy’s words from ten days ago echo in my head. He’sContinue reading “More loss — Making space for the new”
Deep wound
“ Wolf mother, where have you been? You look so worn, so thin You’re a taker, devil’s maker Let me hear you sing, hey-ya, hey-ya Wolf father, at the door You don’t smile anymore You’re a drifter, a shapeshifter Let me see you run, hey-ya, hey-ya Holy light, oh, burn the night Oh, keep theContinue reading “Deep wound”
Yet another loss
Knowing what Jack & I could have had, or what we could have, if only he mustered the courage, makes it impossible for me, at least for now, to just hang out as buddies for chai or for a run or hike or climb, like we used to. Partly because I’m hurt by the wayContinue reading “Yet another loss”
How much courage does it take?
Nearly two decades ago, I went through one of my most painful breakups, my first really painful breakup. At the time, I was in grad school and had been in a very intense and complicated, mostly long-distance, more-than-platonic relationship with a guy I loved very deeply and who sincerely loved me back. He was veryContinue reading “How much courage does it take?”
The unbearable pain of betrayal
Friday was Jack’s birthday. Exactly three weeks after the loaded conversation we had, initiated by him telling me not only about his sexual attraction towards me but in great detail about his sexual desires & fantasies involving me, despite his still being in a monogamous (& toxic) relationship with a woman that has been makingContinue reading “The unbearable pain of betrayal”
Mid-life crisis?
I’m not sleeping well. I wake up in the middle of the night and have trouble falling back asleep because I start ruminating — or my ruminations make the whole night restless. A lot of the rumination comes from practical issues making me anxious right now: politics, my own financial instability, looming work deadlines. ButContinue reading “Mid-life crisis?”
“Friends fall for each other”
“Yeah, at surface level what’s happened between you guys seems weird or even impossible, but if you think of it, it’s actually quite a universal experience: friends fall for each other, because they like each other as persons”. Ron’s words yesterday evening brought me some respite, some lightness, almost a sense of things being “smoothedContinue reading ““Friends fall for each other””
Crossing lines of tenderness
As hard as waiting often is, it also, usually, helps to bring clarity. Yesterday was particularly hard for me. Fortunately, though, my buddy Ron was available to talk with me for an hour while I was hiking on one of my favorite trails around sunset. Ron has an almost unrivaled capacity to balance deep emotionalContinue reading “Crossing lines of tenderness”
The Little Prince and the Fox 