[Content warning: friends-breakup, loss, grief.] “Yeah, I’m sure he’s a good guy. But if he’s stuck in a toxic relationship with a manipulative woman, that says something about him, too. You cannot be around toxicity without some of it rubbing off onto you…” My buddy’s words from ten days ago echo in my head. He’sContinue reading “More loss — Making space for the new”
Tag Archives: grief
My godmother is gone
[Trigger warning: death, loss, grief.] “M.B. passed away this afternoon. Her sister sent me a message to let me know.” I’m sitting at my desk, checking old, archived messages from my mother — old and archived because I generally don’t want to communicate with her and have her blocked most of the time. Her messageContinue reading “My godmother is gone”
Deep wound
“ Wolf mother, where have you been? You look so worn, so thin You’re a taker, devil’s maker Let me hear you sing, hey-ya, hey-ya Wolf father, at the door You don’t smile anymore You’re a drifter, a shapeshifter Let me see you run, hey-ya, hey-ya Holy light, oh, burn the night Oh, keep theContinue reading “Deep wound”
Yet another loss
Knowing what Jack & I could have had, or what we could have, if only he mustered the courage, makes it impossible for me, at least for now, to just hang out as buddies for chai or for a run or hike or climb, like we used to. Partly because I’m hurt by the wayContinue reading “Yet another loss”
Boiled peanuts
[Trigger warnings: death; grief] “Is there anything you’d like to say?”, Maya, Ron’s fiancé, asks him, as the five of us are sitting around the tiny dinner table, ready to tuck into the food. Ron’s eyes get watery, for a moment he seems at a loss for words. “Andrew used to like to have peopleContinue reading “Boiled peanuts”
Avalanche in Tahoe
[Trigger warnings: death; grief] My phone rings. It’s my buddy Ron. We’ve been playing phone tag all day, so I pick up immediately. “Hey A., before we go into anything… there was an avalanche in Tahoe…”, the words catch in his throat as my mind already knows what’s coming next — “… my friend… he’sContinue reading “Avalanche in Tahoe”
Time to sit with this pain, again
[Trigger warnings: grief; suicide] One of my oldest and dearest friends, who has endured an awful amount of both physical and emotional pain, once stated that people take their own life when the pain (physical or emotional) becomes too intense to endure. That’s probably what brought us close at the beginning, when we met, twoContinue reading “Time to sit with this pain, again”
The many levels of pain beneath the umpteenth rejection
This afternoon, I got the umpteenth rejection. Once again, it was from a gay cis-man. I was expecting it, I had a gut feeling he didn’t return my feelings of physical attraction, but still I needed to clarify explicitly. We’ve been friends for only a couple of months, having met through a common climbing buddy,Continue reading “The many levels of pain beneath the umpteenth rejection”
“It is what it is”
[Trigger warnings: death, loss, grief.] “ […] We’re lost and no-one wants to feel like that We’ll find a way we can work this out But it is what it is right now I don’t have the words to make this right Or a way to fix it all tonight I know right now, itContinue reading ““It is what it is””
“Hopeless Wanderer”
[Trigger warnings: death, loss, grief] This Christmas seems to be turning out more promising, less lonely, than usual: tonight I have the choice between a dinner that my housemate is having with some of their friends at our place or joining one of my closest running buddies to celebrate with his family; tomorrow, I haveContinue reading ““Hopeless Wanderer””
The Little Prince and the Fox 