I just got home from a week’s trip and can’t wait to leave again. My autistic burnout is making it really hard to travel at the moment, especially when it involves driving (like this long trip, driving ~400 miles each way across several mountainous areas), but my love of traveling is deep, an essential part ofContinue reading “Wanderlust”
Tag Archives: life
Rephrasing, Reframing, Reclaiming
Maybe I’ve been acting a bit too much the victim in the situation with the gender-expansive gay guy with whom I hooked up. After all, if I led most of the thing and/or took the initiative most of the time, it’s because I wanted to, because I chose to. I started it, I kept itContinue reading “Rephrasing, Reframing, Reclaiming”
This hard week ahead
It’s Monday. Not as bad as last week but still hard. And a hard week ahead. Since starting to sing with the gay men’s chorus last September, Mondays have become a day of great emotional upheaval. For nearly two months at the beginning, the emotions were mostly negative, difficult, and painful. Then, they became joyfulContinue reading “This hard week ahead”
Pink Pony Boy
I’m still smiling from pure, intense, almost overwhelming joy. It’s filling me up in such a wonderful, easy way. Last night I went out dancing with one of the guys from the gay men’s chorus. He’s the cis man with whom I had danced Swing at the end of November — my first, wonderful experienceContinue reading “Pink Pony Boy”
Oh, sweet liberation!
Despite all the pain and anger over the past couple weeks, the strongest and most consistent feeling since ending things with the gender-expansive guy with whom I had hooked up has been that of “getting my life back”. Something cracked, and that’s where the pain comes. But the crack is also allowing “good stuff” toContinue reading “Oh, sweet liberation!”
Tu vas me manquer, dude!
[Note: This entry will be very long, and partly flow-of-consciousness. This is probably a piece that will eventually, hopefully, go into my memoir. So please read with sympathy and feel free to comment as long as it’s gentle & constructive feedback.] “Elle parle Français et beaucoup d’autres langues!” my French buddy cried after the pairContinue reading “Tu vas me manquer, dude!”
The comfort & safety of sleepovers
The other aspect of sleepovers that I miss and crave, and sometimes really need, is the sense of comfort and safety that I get from them. They are comforting in a deep way to me, dating back to my childhood. I grew up in a family in which I didn’t feel seen and whereContinue reading “The comfort & safety of sleepovers”
Craving platonic human touch
I miss human touch. But I’m also terrified of it. I have similar contradictory feelings when it comes to the desire for connection with & interest from gay men. I think both of these contradictory desires of mine boil down to the same thing: I crave platonic human touch. I not only want human touch,Continue reading “Craving platonic human touch”
The Little Prince and the Fox 