For a large part of my life, I’ve enjoyed doing fun and/or adventurous activities on nights with the full moon: sailing, skiing, swimming in the sea back Europe, hiking, or long walks at the beach along the ocean in California. Since moving to Colorado I had only gone for a few full moon walks inContinue reading “My full moon hike”
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Not “man enough”?
“Did you know I was trans?”, I ask the gay climber as we hike in the first full moon of the new year. “I assumed you might be from something you said to M. at dinner the other night but otherwise I wouldn’t have known”, he replies, then adding, “And anyway, I don’t care whatContinue reading “Not “man enough”?”
The mountain is me
“ I’ve become A figment of my imagination That’s why I run Towards self-love and inner restoration ” “I like the person I’ve become”. The thought curses through my head, all of a sudden, almost startling me, as I’m sitting at the table, eating my breakfast cereal, tears streaming down my cheeks and Chance Peña’sContinue reading “The mountain is me”
The many levels of pain beneath the umpteenth rejection
This afternoon, I got the umpteenth rejection. Once again, it was from a gay cis-man. I was expecting it, I had a gut feeling he didn’t return my feelings of physical attraction, but still I needed to clarify explicitly. We’ve been friends for only a couple of months, having met through a common climbing buddy,Continue reading “The many levels of pain beneath the umpteenth rejection”
My Double Anniversary
Four years ago, I was driving the last stretch for my move from California to Colorado. I cannot remember what I ate that first night I got here, staying by myself at my friends’ for whom I was going to house-/cat-sit, but I do remember that I stopped for groceries at the local King SoopersContinue reading “My Double Anniversary”
January: The month of Janus
The name of the month January comes from Latin Janus: in ancient Roman religion and myth, Janus, the guardian of doorways typically depicted with two faces looking to the past and future, is the god of gates, transitions, time, duality, passages, beginnings and endings. The realization hit me as I was brushing my teeth inContinue reading “January: The month of Janus”
“Do not obey in advance”
“Most of the power of authoritarianism is freely given. In times like these, individuals think ahead about what a repressive government will want, and then offer themselves without being asked. A citizen who adapts in this way is teaching power what it can do.” “Anticipatory obedience is a political tragedy. Perhaps rulers did not initiallyContinue reading ““Do not obey in advance””
The eternal extra work for AFAB persons
Yesterday, I found myself venting with one of my closest cis-guy friends about my confusion and disappointment: the gay climber (another cis-man) with whom I had seemed to connect so nicely over the holidays and who seemed to genuinely enjoy my company & to care about my friendship has ghosted me. He didn’t reply toContinue reading “The eternal extra work for AFAB persons”
“It is what it is”
[Trigger warnings: death, loss, grief.] “ […] We’re lost and no-one wants to feel like that We’ll find a way we can work this out But it is what it is right now I don’t have the words to make this right Or a way to fix it all tonight I know right now, itContinue reading ““It is what it is””
Insecurity & Scarcity Mindset
Last night I went on a beautiful 8-mile hike in the full moon with a potential new friend. But all I can feel this morning is sadness and fear. I cannot see the physical achievement of hiking the 8 miles after weeks where an abdominal strain has been making it hard & painful for meContinue reading “Insecurity & Scarcity Mindset”
The Little Prince and the Fox 