“ I feel the love but not from the ones who love me I’m not alone, so why am I so lonely? I’m too stressed to be depressed I must confess I ain’t so blessed It eats me up but still, I’ve got a heart that’s hungry I’ll be okay, but I’m not okay right now I’ll be okay,Continue reading ““I’ll be OK””
Category Archives: Uncategorized
Hard week
This is a hard week. On the one hand, there’s the realistic, almost chemical, fact of coming down after 2-3 weeks of almost steady high, nonstop go-go-go — hence the ensuing physical tiredness and also a sense of emptiness. But what makes this particular “low after the high” so hard is that it’s Thanksgiving week. Continue reading “Hard week”
Born again — Dead again
[Trigger warnings: death; loss of loved one; grief.] This weekend I was reminded very painfully of how life and death are the two sides of the same coin. Two weeks ago in Chicago, on my 44th birthday, I was born again as my chosen name and affirmed gender were registered at the Italian Consulate —Continue reading “Born again — Dead again”
Born again
Yesterday, as I was chatting on the phone with one of my best friends from grad school, I noticed the Priority Mail envelope outside my front door, the envelope that I had anxiously been awaiting for a few days. Excited, I interrupted my friend mid-sentence, opened the door, grabbed the envelope and ripped it open:Continue reading “Born again”
The “nice guys” in my life
“Happy birthday, man”. “Happy birthday, dude”. “Happy birthday, brother”. It’s a series of big tight “guy hugs” from some of my new cis-het buddies as I celebrate my birthday over beers with the co-ed climbing team after our weekly training. When I joined this climbing team about a month ago, I did so “stealth” andContinue reading “The “nice guys” in my life”
TDOR 2025
[Trigger warnings: transphobia; physical/psychological/emotional violence; death.] Today is Trans Days Of Remembrance. This year, given the actual war that the fascist Trump administration is leading against our community, it is a sadder and more important day than ever to remember. I’m one of the lucky ones — at least, for now. I live in aContinue reading “TDOR 2025”
Crash: the lows after the highs
Here it is, the low after the high. Ten days ago, I ran my fastest half marathon on trail, shaving off 7 minutes from the time my coach had projected for me and winning first place nonbinary. I was able to compete & be awarded fairly and to be proudly visible as my trans, nonbinaryContinue reading “Crash: the lows after the highs”
This has been one of my best birthdays ever. Four days before my birthday, I won a race, effectively running my fastest half marathon on trail, shaving off 7 minutes from the time my coach had projected for me. And four days after my birthday, I won my first (recreational) climbing competition. But, more importantly,Continue reading
Explorative, affirming birthday week
It’s mid-summer. After almost a year of paperwork and emailing back & forth with the Italian Consulate in Chicago and the City Hall of the city where I was born back in Europe, I have finally received the communication that I didn’t dare hope for: “Your sex change has been accepted and your gender amendedContinue reading “Explorative, affirming birthday week”
Living “The Rock Warrior’s Way”
“[…] your highest goal is learning, and only in action does true, experiential learning occur. This is what you climb for. In order to transcend a risk, you need to learn something, and you’ll only be able to learn by staying open and receptive. In your preparation for the risk, you’ve meticulously set specific parametersContinue reading “Living “The Rock Warrior’s Way””
The Little Prince and the Fox 