Yesterday, I found myself venting with one of my closest cis-guy friends about my confusion and disappointment: the gay climber (another cis-man) with whom I had seemed to connect so nicely over the holidays and who seemed to genuinely enjoy my company & to care about my friendship has ghosted me. He didn’t reply toContinue reading “The eternal extra work for AFAB persons”
Tag Archives: love
“It is what it is”
[Trigger warnings: death, loss, grief.] “ […] We’re lost and no-one wants to feel like that We’ll find a way we can work this out But it is what it is right now I don’t have the words to make this right Or a way to fix it all tonight I know right now, itContinue reading ““It is what it is””
Vegan Xmas
This has been my first good Christmas in Colorado and my first really good Christmas in years, maybe decades. I spent Christmas Eve with my best running buddy and his family. He is a truly good friend and his family (wife, daughter and mother-in-law) have become somewhat extended family to me, too, or I haveContinue reading “Vegan Xmas”
“Hopeless Wanderer”
[Trigger warnings: death, loss, grief] This Christmas seems to be turning out more promising, less lonely, than usual: tonight I have the choice between a dinner that my housemate is having with some of their friends at our place or joining one of my closest running buddies to celebrate with his family; tomorrow, I haveContinue reading ““Hopeless Wanderer””
Self definition — Self defense — Self sabotage
I’m sitting on the couch laughing, soaking in all the good vibes and affection from my friends who’ve come over to celebrate my birthday. There’s about a dozen of us and, apart from my two transmasc friends and one of my buddies’ fiancé (a cis woman), it’s a bunch of straight guys. These are myContinue reading “Self definition — Self defense — Self sabotage”
Hard week
This is a hard week. On the one hand, there’s the realistic, almost chemical, fact of coming down after 2-3 weeks of almost steady high, nonstop go-go-go — hence the ensuing physical tiredness and also a sense of emptiness. But what makes this particular “low after the high” so hard is that it’s Thanksgiving week. Continue reading “Hard week”
This has been one of my best birthdays ever. Four days before my birthday, I won a race, effectively running my fastest half marathon on trail, shaving off 7 minutes from the time my coach had projected for me. And four days after my birthday, I won my first (recreational) climbing competition. But, more importantly,Continue reading
Explorative, affirming birthday week
It’s mid-summer. After almost a year of paperwork and emailing back & forth with the Italian Consulate in Chicago and the City Hall of the city where I was born back in Europe, I have finally received the communication that I didn’t dare hope for: “Your sex change has been accepted and your gender amendedContinue reading “Explorative, affirming birthday week”
Living “The Rock Warrior’s Way”
“[…] your highest goal is learning, and only in action does true, experiential learning occur. This is what you climb for. In order to transcend a risk, you need to learn something, and you’ll only be able to learn by staying open and receptive. In your preparation for the risk, you’ve meticulously set specific parametersContinue reading “Living “The Rock Warrior’s Way””
Ripping off the bandaid
Of course this is painful. Of course I’m feeling uncomfortable and even somewhat dysregulated. This is a loss, yet another loss. I have decided to quit the gay men’s chorus. I will have to grieve this. But what is “this” exactly? My identity as “gay man”, or my “wish to be accepted as a gayContinue reading “Ripping off the bandaid”
The Little Prince and the Fox 