I’m feeling really depressed. The pain in my left hip & groin is worse again, 4-5/10 now. I don’t know if the pain is worse again from this morning’s run or from sitting at my desk or driving: but as much as I can reduce the sitting & driving to the minimum necessary, I cannotContinue reading “My own body letting me down”
Tag Archives: life
South Dakota solo trip — Afterthoughts
I’m back from my solo trip in South Dakota, I got back yesterday late afternoon. I was on edge for the first two thirds of the trip because after about half an hour of driving a whining/whirring sounds started, the pitch getting higher as I sped up, which indicated that it was something rotating, likeContinue reading “South Dakota solo trip — Afterthoughts”
2025, thus far: a year of healing
Summarizing in just a few words my reflections from yesterday on what this year has been, or brought me, so far, I’d say it’s been a year of healing. Starting with the physical and emotional healing from the salpingectomy & uterine ablation that I had in December 2024. Healing from the aborted friendship with benefitsContinue reading “2025, thus far: a year of healing”
South Dakota solo trip — Day 3
I will definitely have to sleep in my car tonight. It’s pouring with rain now, positively pouring, and thundering. “Heavy rain and thunderstorms” had been in the forecast today around 2-3pm, so I guess here it is, about an hour earlier than expected. I just hope it gives some reprieve later, so I can cookContinue reading “South Dakota solo trip — Day 3”
Reap what we sow…?
This has been my most productive year in terms of running: I’ve done (& won) four races in six months, the first one only six weeks after major surgery in my lower abdomen, and I might still manage to do one more before the end of this calendar year. I think I’m starting to feelContinue reading “Reap what we sow…?”
Exile and longings
I’m reading another of the novels from Ursula Le Guin’s collection of “Hainish Novels & Stories”. I’m not going to go into all the reasons I like, really admire, her works. There is one central reason, or theme, that speaks to me: that of exile and longing. In all of her “Hainish Novels” that IContinue reading “Exile and longings”
Flow-of-consciousness thoughts & feelings on my unmet relational needs
My mind likes to have something to focus on. Or something to obsess about. And periodically, it obsesses about “having a boyfriend” (whatever that may mean for someone who is aro-ace). I often – more and more often – think that the importance my buddies have for me or the affection I feel for themContinue reading “Flow-of-consciousness thoughts & feelings on my unmet relational needs”
Shooting stars
On Tuesday night, I stayed up later than usual after dinner, wrapped up in a big blue blanket, lying on the picnic table at my campsite and looking up at the sky, watching for shooting stars. I saw four, then tiredness got the better of me and I headed into my little tent, to cozyContinue reading “Shooting stars”
Something died within me: nothing to look forward to
[Trigger warnings: death, loss, grief; depression.] I spend a lot of time in my head: rumination, dreams, memories. The present is bleak, the future a black hole with nothing to look forward to. Five years ago, with the COVID pandemic, something broke for me. Something broke me — the long illness, the complete isolation, theContinue reading “Something died within me: nothing to look forward to”
The lesser of two evils
For seven years, from 2008/2009 to 2015/2016, I was together with someone who was my sexual, “romantic”, and nesting partner. We met in grad school through our common group of friends and got together the last year of our PhD. We moved in together after about a year of being sexually involved with each otherContinue reading “The lesser of two evils”
The Little Prince and the Fox 