I just got home from my run — a good, satisfying workout, and yet what I feel is that I want to cry. I feel a deep, intense sadness. I feel sad. I’ve been ruminating for days, maybe weeks, on & off, trying to figure out the causes for why people don’t like me physically/sexuallyContinue reading “Double impossibility”
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Boiled peanuts
[Trigger warnings: death; grief] “Is there anything you’d like to say?”, Maya, Ron’s fiancé, asks him, as the five of us are sitting around the tiny dinner table, ready to tuck into the food. Ron’s eyes get watery, for a moment he seems at a loss for words. “Andrew used to like to have peopleContinue reading “Boiled peanuts”
Avalanche in Tahoe
[Trigger warnings: death; grief] My phone rings. It’s my buddy Ron. We’ve been playing phone tag all day, so I pick up immediately. “Hey A., before we go into anything… there was an avalanche in Tahoe…”, the words catch in his throat as my mind already knows what’s coming next — “… my friend… he’sContinue reading “Avalanche in Tahoe”
Time to sit with this pain, again
[Trigger warnings: grief; suicide] One of my oldest and dearest friends, who has endured an awful amount of both physical and emotional pain, once stated that people take their own life when the pain (physical or emotional) becomes too intense to endure. That’s probably what brought us close at the beginning, when we met, twoContinue reading “Time to sit with this pain, again”
A moral question
“Where were you when your father needed you?” is something my mother has asked me full of venom almost every time we have talked since my father’s death two & a half years ago — which is one of the reasons why the times we talk are so few and far between. Where was myContinue reading “A moral question”
“Defend institutions”
“It is institutions that help us to preserve decency. They need our help as well. Do not speak of ‘our institutions’ unless you make them yours by acting on their behalf. Institutions do not protect themselves. They fall one after the other unless each is defended from the beginning. So choose an institution you careContinue reading ““Defend institutions””
Fueled by pain
It’s been a few months now, maybe six or so, that I have found my old energy levels again, those high energy levels that are usually typical of me, that had been my companion for most of my life. In many ways, it feels good. It feels good because I can finally recognize myself again,Continue reading “Fueled by pain”
Voting is like loving: vital, and not to be taken for granted
“ The hero of a David Lodge novel says that you don’t know, when you make love for the last time, that you are making love for the last time. Voting is like that. ” This quote from the book “On Tyranny” by Timothy Snyder is maybe the one that strikes me the most, theContinue reading “Voting is like loving: vital, and not to be taken for granted”
“Be wary of paramilitaries”
Quoting from Lesson #6 in the book “On Tyranny — Twenty lessons from the twentieth century” by Timothy Snyder (published in 2017): “ When the men with guns who have always claimed to be against the system start wearing uniforms and marching with torches and pictures of a leader, the end is nigh. When theContinue reading ““Be wary of paramilitaries””
“The ICE test”
Quoting from The Economist, Jan. 31st 2026: “ Is America’s president building his own paramilitary militia? America stared into the void this week, but pulled back. Federal action in the streets of Minneapolis goes well beyond immigration. It is a test of the government’s power to use violence against its own citizens — a dividing-lineContinue reading ““The ICE test””
The Little Prince and the Fox 