Why does every new heartbreak trigger, or re-open, all of the old ones? I need to learn to get closure and/or repair together with the person(s) involved in the breakup(s) with me. I think this is my biggest mistake, or weakness, when it comes to relationships ending. My anger — that has been a faithfulContinue reading “Hanging heartbreaks”
Tag Archives: relationships
Endings
Yesterday evening, I had the last class of a poetry course that I had been taking for the past eight weeks. Yesterday afternoon, I posted that message on the bulletin board of my chorus to voice my difficulties around our current concert, coming out as aro. And yesterday also marked the very end of directContinue reading “Endings”
Relational ablation
“Ablation” (definition/meaning, e.g. Merriam-Webster dictionary): a) surgical removal; b) loss or removal of a part (such as ice from a glacier or the outside of a nose cone)[…]. In their support of my difficulties at the retreat due to the recent ending of the relationship with the gender-expansive gay guy with whom I had hookedContinue reading “Relational ablation”
A hole is a space you can fill
On Monday evening, a relationship that I cared about, or hoped for, ended. In reality, in my own head & heart, that relationship had ended already the previous week. In fact, on Sunday, foreseeing a difficult conversation with the gender-expansive gay guy from the chorus and ensuing “emotional wreck” state for me, I reached outContinue reading “A hole is a space you can fill”
The comfort & safety of sleepovers
The other aspect of sleepovers that I miss and crave, and sometimes really need, is the sense of comfort and safety that I get from them. They are comforting in a deep way to me, dating back to my childhood. I grew up in a family in which I didn’t feel seen and whereContinue reading “The comfort & safety of sleepovers”
The intimacy of sleepovers
The gender-expansive guy with whom I hooked up in the chorus & I both feel that our interactions have been “more than just hooking up”: we like each other and want to really build a friendship, leaving open the possibility of being “friends with benefits” further down along the road. “Friendship with benefits” is somethingContinue reading “The intimacy of sleepovers”
Choosing my personal safety: an act of self-care
I’m feeling frustrated. Even sad and somewhat angry. Yet what I did yesterday evening was a practical, firm act of self-care and a concrete instance of putting one of my New Year’s resolutions into practice, i.e. “not pursuing unavailable relationships/situations”. The plans for yesterday evening were that I was going to meet one of myContinue reading “Choosing my personal safety: an act of self-care”
“Miss you, bro.”
“How are things going for you? Miss you, bro.” Text message that one of my cis-het male climbing buddies sent me yesterday. It is messages like this one — messages and calls and visits from friends; walks&talks, lunch or coffee/tea, and movie nights with friends; all the gestures of affection and care, all the qualityContinue reading ““Miss you, bro.””
Meeting people where they’re at
Yesterday I had planned to meet up & hang out with the gender-expansive gay guy from the chorus with whom I’ve hooked up in order to have a clarifying conversation about our “friendship”. I knew what I wanted to ask him, what I wanted to say, feeling the additional protection of my post-op restrictions thatContinue reading “Meeting people where they’re at”
Shifting boundaries and conflicting needs
The night between Sunday & Monday, after rehearsal with the gay men’s chorus, I barely got four hours of sleep. The interactions with the guy on whom I have an intense, albeit aro-ace, crush had thrown me for a loop. Basically, we seemed to intentionally ignore each other during most of the evening both duringContinue reading “Shifting boundaries and conflicting needs”
The Little Prince and the Fox 