A week ago, I was sick, coming down with a bad cold just a few days before my planned “grand finale” race for the year: my first longer-than-half-marathon trail run in Southern California on December 6th. All of last week, amidst extremely dark bouts of depression, was spent with the sole focus of getting overContinue reading “What next?”
Tag Archives: mental-health
The end…?
It’s the last day of November, an eventful, intense month, “my month”. But as I sit on the couch, sipping my black English breakfast tea on this wintry morning, I feel like more than just this month is over. I feel like I’m nearing “the end”, some “end”. The “end” of what, though? The endContinue reading “The end…?”
The tip of winter is here
Last night, we got the first snow of the season here in Colorado (apart from the snow up in the mountains). It’s been a whole month later that in 2022 & 2023 and four weeks later than last year. It was just a sprinkle, just enough to cover the rooftops, and it’s already almost gone inContinue reading “The tip of winter is here”
“I’ll be OK”
“ I feel the love but not from the ones who love me I’m not alone, so why am I so lonely? I’m too stressed to be depressed I must confess I ain’t so blessed It eats me up but still, I’ve got a heart that’s hungry I’ll be okay, but I’m not okay right now I’ll be okay,Continue reading ““I’ll be OK””
Healing from the blinding pain
Pain can be blinding. For me, pain often shows up or expresses itself as anger, and anger can easily blind us or make us “see red”. But pain remains blinding for me even once the anger has blown off. As long as the wounds are there, unhealed, I cannot see the full picture, I cannotContinue reading “Healing from the blinding pain”
2025, thus far: a year of healing
Summarizing in just a few words my reflections from yesterday on what this year has been, or brought me, so far, I’d say it’s been a year of healing. Starting with the physical and emotional healing from the salpingectomy & uterine ablation that I had in December 2024. Healing from the aborted friendship with benefitsContinue reading “2025, thus far: a year of healing”
Something died within me: nothing to look forward to
[Trigger warnings: death, loss, grief; depression.] I spend a lot of time in my head: rumination, dreams, memories. The present is bleak, the future a black hole with nothing to look forward to. Five years ago, with the COVID pandemic, something broke for me. Something broke me — the long illness, the complete isolation, theContinue reading “Something died within me: nothing to look forward to”
What am I doing here?
What am I doing here, on this Earth? It’s not even noon, I’ve gone out for my run, showered, and had a hearty brunch (all by myself) and now the best part of my day is over. I’ve got nothing left to do. Nothing that feels meaningful, at least. Is that because I’ve been unemployedContinue reading “What am I doing here?”
Depression — The horrific state of the world
I’m gong through a bout of depression. It’s circumstantial but it’s real. The horrific bill that was passed in the House last week was probably the last straw, maybe because it’s one of the most all-encompassing measures of disaster and discrimination and abomination, such a widespread, all-encompassing measure of hatred and evil. I’m worried. I’mContinue reading “Depression — The horrific state of the world”
Wanderlust
I just got home from a week’s trip and can’t wait to leave again. My autistic burnout is making it really hard to travel at the moment, especially when it involves driving (like this long trip, driving ~400 miles each way across several mountainous areas), but my love of traveling is deep, an essential part ofContinue reading “Wanderlust”
The Little Prince and the Fox 