Tag Archives: mental-health

Time to sit with this pain, again

[Trigger warnings: grief; suicide] One of my oldest and dearest friends, who has endured an awful amount of both physical and emotional pain, once stated that people take their own life when the pain (physical or emotional) becomes too intense to endure.  That’s probably what brought us close at the beginning, when we met, twoContinue reading “Time to sit with this pain, again”

“Are you dead?” — On Loneliness

Interviewer: “Where did the idea for Eleanor Oliphant come from?” Author (Gail Honeyman): “Eleanor Oliphant is completely fine started with two related ideas. The first was loneliness, an issue that’s now thankfully starting to receive more attention as we begin to understand more about its often devastating consequences. I remembered reading an article in whichContinue reading ““Are you dead?” — On Loneliness”

What next?

A week ago, I was sick, coming down with a bad cold just a few days before my planned “grand finale” race for the year: my first longer-than-half-marathon trail run in Southern California on December 6th.  All of last week, amidst extremely dark bouts of depression, was spent with the sole focus of getting overContinue reading “What next?”

The end…?

It’s the last day of November, an eventful, intense month, “my month”.  But as I sit on the couch, sipping my black English breakfast tea on this wintry morning, I feel like more than just this month is over. I feel like I’m nearing “the end”, some “end”.  The “end” of what, though?  The endContinue reading “The end…?”

The tip of winter is here

Last night, we got the first snow of the season here in Colorado (apart from the snow up in the mountains). It’s been a whole month later that in 2022 & 2023 and four weeks later than last year. It was just a sprinkle, just enough to cover the rooftops, and it’s already almost gone inContinue reading “The tip of winter is here”

Healing from the blinding pain

Pain can be blinding. For me, pain often shows up or expresses itself as anger, and anger can easily blind us or make us “see red”. But pain remains blinding for me even once the anger has blown off. As long as the wounds are there, unhealed, I cannot see the full picture, I cannotContinue reading “Healing from the blinding pain”

2025, thus far: a year of healing

Summarizing in just a few words my reflections from yesterday on what this year has been, or brought me, so far, I’d say it’s been a year of healing.  Starting with the physical and emotional healing from the salpingectomy & uterine ablation that I had in December 2024. Healing from the aborted friendship with benefitsContinue reading “2025, thus far: a year of healing”

Something died within me: nothing to look forward to

[Trigger warnings: death, loss, grief; depression.] I spend a lot of time in my head: rumination, dreams, memories. The present is bleak, the future a black hole with nothing to look forward to.  Five years ago, with the COVID pandemic, something broke for me. Something broke me — the long illness, the complete isolation, theContinue reading “Something died within me: nothing to look forward to”