Monday, almost a week ago, was a “Big Day”. A day of “one big beginning and one final ending”, I wrote then. But it turned out to be a day of two beginnings. For almost half-a-dozen years I had been wearing a silver chain around my neck with two silver rings on it that areContinue reading “The broken chain & the rings that remain”
Tag Archives: love
Rephrasing, Reframing, Reclaiming
Maybe I’ve been acting a bit too much the victim in the situation with the gender-expansive gay guy with whom I hooked up. After all, if I led most of the thing and/or took the initiative most of the time, it’s because I wanted to, because I chose to. I started it, I kept itContinue reading “Rephrasing, Reframing, Reclaiming”
This hard week ahead
It’s Monday. Not as bad as last week but still hard. And a hard week ahead. Since starting to sing with the gay men’s chorus last September, Mondays have become a day of great emotional upheaval. For nearly two months at the beginning, the emotions were mostly negative, difficult, and painful. Then, they became joyfulContinue reading “This hard week ahead”
Pink Pony Boy
I’m still smiling from pure, intense, almost overwhelming joy. It’s filling me up in such a wonderful, easy way. Last night I went out dancing with one of the guys from the gay men’s chorus. He’s the cis man with whom I had danced Swing at the end of November — my first, wonderful experienceContinue reading “Pink Pony Boy”
Hanging heartbreaks
Why does every new heartbreak trigger, or re-open, all of the old ones? I need to learn to get closure and/or repair together with the person(s) involved in the breakup(s) with me. I think this is my biggest mistake, or weakness, when it comes to relationships ending. My anger — that has been a faithfulContinue reading “Hanging heartbreaks”
“… a version of you that I might not have but will not lose”
“ As you promised me that I was more than all the miles combined You must have had yourself a change of heart like Halfway through the drive ‘Cause your voice trailed off exactly as you passed my exit sign You kept on drivin’ straight and left our future to the right Now I amContinue reading ““… a version of you that I might not have but will not lose””
Aromanticism & Amatonormativity: my difficulties with our Spring concert
I’m thinking of writing the following message (as a post in the bulletin board) to my chorus members because the amatonormative assumptions that are being made around the content of our next concert have come to be just too uncomfortable and othering for me. I am aromantic. Coming out as aro is often harder forContinue reading “Aromanticism & Amatonormativity: my difficulties with our Spring concert”
“when you have forgotten Sunday: the love story”
“ —And when you have forgotten the bright bedclothes on a Wednesday and a Saturday, And most especially when you have forgotten Sunday— When you have forgotten Sunday halves in bed, Or me sitting on the front-room radiator in the limping afternoon Looking off down the long street To nowhere, Hugged by my plain oldContinue reading ““when you have forgotten Sunday: the love story””
A hole is a space you can fill
On Monday evening, a relationship that I cared about, or hoped for, ended. In reality, in my own head & heart, that relationship had ended already the previous week. In fact, on Sunday, foreseeing a difficult conversation with the gender-expansive gay guy from the chorus and ensuing “emotional wreck” state for me, I reached outContinue reading “A hole is a space you can fill”
The intimacy of sleepovers
The gender-expansive guy with whom I hooked up in the chorus & I both feel that our interactions have been “more than just hooking up”: we like each other and want to really build a friendship, leaving open the possibility of being “friends with benefits” further down along the road. “Friendship with benefits” is somethingContinue reading “The intimacy of sleepovers”
The Little Prince and the Fox 