[Trigger warnings: death, loss, grief; depression.] I spend a lot of time in my head: rumination, dreams, memories. The present is bleak, the future a black hole with nothing to look forward to. Five years ago, with the COVID pandemic, something broke for me. Something broke me — the long illness, the complete isolation, theContinue reading “Something died within me: nothing to look forward to”
Category Archives: Uncategorized
The actions of a dictator(ship)
– Legislators and politicians from the opposition being arrested, handcuffed, removed from office, killed – Martial law being enacted – The military sent in against civilians to quench protests – “Uncomfortable” books been banned and censored – “Threatening” theories and historical viewpoints (e.g. Critical Theory) being banned from schools – Academics being fired for voicingContinue reading “The actions of a dictator(ship)”
Crumbs
One of the reasons I left California and moved to Colorado in January of 2022 was because I was so lonely in California, having been unable during the six years I lived there to make friends locally in a way that fulfilled my relational needs. I chose Colorado because, among other things, I found itContinue reading “Crumbs”
Why I run
I run because I hurt. I run because the rush of endorphins gives me some temporary joy, a momentary reprieve. I run so I can listen to my music regulating the emotions through motion. I run so I can keep fit. I run so I can feel fit and, thus, worthy to myself. I runContinue reading “Why I run”
The hard truth
[Trigger warning: grief; suicide.] A praise I have often received from close friends and even from some acquaintances is that I am real: clear and honest in the assessment of reality, seeing things & saying things as they are. It’s a praise I appreciate because I recognize myself in it — at least, most ofContinue reading “The hard truth”
The lesser of two evils
For seven years, from 2008/2009 to 2015/2016, I was together with someone who was my sexual, “romantic”, and nesting partner. We met in grad school through our common group of friends and got together the last year of our PhD. We moved in together after about a year of being sexually involved with each otherContinue reading “The lesser of two evils”
What am I doing here?
What am I doing here, on this Earth? It’s not even noon, I’ve gone out for my run, showered, and had a hearty brunch (all by myself) and now the best part of my day is over. I’ve got nothing left to do. Nothing that feels meaningful, at least. Is that because I’ve been unemployedContinue reading “What am I doing here?”
We need to save our democracy!
Experts discuss the peril in which our American democracy finds itself: https://www.npr.org/2025/05/18/1252312214/us-competitive-autocracy
Depression — The horrific state of the world
I’m gong through a bout of depression. It’s circumstantial but it’s real. The horrific bill that was passed in the House last week was probably the last straw, maybe because it’s one of the most all-encompassing measures of disaster and discrimination and abomination, such a widespread, all-encompassing measure of hatred and evil. I’m worried. I’mContinue reading “Depression — The horrific state of the world”
Loneliness and fatigue
For the past couple weeks, I’ve been struggling with bouts of extreme fatigue and loneliness, and the past week it’s gotten worse. They seem to go hand in hand, these two feelings. Although one is physical (the extreme fatigue, including dizziness, sometimes even when I’m sitting or lying) and one is emotional (the loneliness), theyContinue reading “Loneliness and fatigue”
The Little Prince and the Fox 