[Trigger warnings: death, loss, grief.] “ […] We’re lost and no-one wants to feel like that We’ll find a way we can work this out But it is what it is right now I don’t have the words to make this right Or a way to fix it all tonight I know right now, itContinue reading ““It is what it is””
Category Archives: Uncategorized
Insecurity & Scarcity Mindset
Last night I went on a beautiful 8-mile hike in the full moon with a potential new friend. But all I can feel this morning is sadness and fear. I cannot see the physical achievement of hiking the 8 miles after weeks where an abdominal strain has been making it hard & painful for meContinue reading “Insecurity & Scarcity Mindset”
Turn of the Year of Healing
The last day of 2025. The last day of this momentous year for me. A hard year that started with me recovering from a double procedure surgery that was also a political act. A year that started with forced healing and continued with deep emotional healing despite, or precisely through, all the hardships: fatigue, (autistic)Continue reading “Turn of the Year of Healing”
Vegan Xmas
This has been my first good Christmas in Colorado and my first really good Christmas in years, maybe decades. I spent Christmas Eve with my best running buddy and his family. He is a truly good friend and his family (wife, daughter and mother-in-law) have become somewhat extended family to me, too, or I haveContinue reading “Vegan Xmas”
“Hopeless Wanderer”
[Trigger warnings: death, loss, grief] This Christmas seems to be turning out more promising, less lonely, than usual: tonight I have the choice between a dinner that my housemate is having with some of their friends at our place or joining one of my closest running buddies to celebrate with his family; tomorrow, I haveContinue reading ““Hopeless Wanderer””
Don’t think about it
I don’t know when exactly I started adopting pervasively the method of “not thinking about it”. I’ve definitely been doing it these nearly four years in Colorado, and I probably did it also in California, at least for a while, certainly during the pandemic. Don’t think about it, I tell myself. I don’t even tellContinue reading “Don’t think about it”
Self definition — Self defense — Self sabotage
I’m sitting on the couch laughing, soaking in all the good vibes and affection from my friends who’ve come over to celebrate my birthday. There’s about a dozen of us and, apart from my two transmasc friends and one of my buddies’ fiancé (a cis woman), it’s a bunch of straight guys. These are myContinue reading “Self definition — Self defense — Self sabotage”
What next?
A week ago, I was sick, coming down with a bad cold just a few days before my planned “grand finale” race for the year: my first longer-than-half-marathon trail run in Southern California on December 6th. All of last week, amidst extremely dark bouts of depression, was spent with the sole focus of getting overContinue reading “What next?”
“What a grieving friend might need most from you”
[Content warnings: grief; loss; death of loved one(s)] Last night, I heard a report on NPR about supporting friends/loved ones through grief: “What a grieving friend might need most from you”. In the summer of 2023, I experienced two devastating losses, one of which — the death of my father & the fact that he will neverContinue reading ““What a grieving friend might need most from you””
The end…?
It’s the last day of November, an eventful, intense month, “my month”. But as I sit on the couch, sipping my black English breakfast tea on this wintry morning, I feel like more than just this month is over. I feel like I’m nearing “the end”, some “end”. The “end” of what, though? The endContinue reading “The end…?”
The Little Prince and the Fox 