For seven years, from 2008/2009 to 2015/2016, I was together with someone who was my sexual, “romantic”, and nesting partner. We met in grad school through our common group of friends and got together the last year of our PhD. We moved in together after about a year of being sexually involved with each otherContinue reading “The lesser of two evils”
Tag Archives: relationships
A mistake but not necessarily wrong
“ Lomeli said in a low voice, “Did I do the right thing, Vincent? What is your opinion?” “No one who follows their conscience ever does wrong, Your Eminence. The consequences may not turn out as we intend; it may prove in time that we made a mistake. But that is not the same asContinue reading “A mistake but not necessarily wrong”
My people — Queering relationships
Four guys in a picture. Four smiling young men. The fifth is the one with the good camera and photographer skills, taking the picture. One is Russian of Ukrainian ethnicity; one is French with a German surname; one is part Italian, part American, part English, part German. They’re different heights, different builds; they have differentContinue reading “My people — Queering relationships”
Trust: the most fundamental form of love
We were swinging freely almost twenty meters above the ground. The 9-mm climbing rope went through the two rappel rings at the top, 100 feet up from the ground, a “free-hanging rappel”, i.e. a lowering technique where there are no walls around or adjacent to you: you’re lowering from what is basically a hole inContinue reading “Trust: the most fundamental form of love”
A week of strengthening & broadening bonds
This week I’ve been able to see close friends every single day since getting home from Chicago on Monday. That in and as of itself has been lovely; but what has made it even lovelier has been a strengthening or broadening of the bonds with them. The Chicago trip, just as the Durango trip aContinue reading “A week of strengthening & broadening bonds”
Desperate urgency & holding the line
I’ve been trying to understand my unwillingness to keep up a friendship with the gender-expansive gay guy with whom I had hooked up unless he also takes concrete steps to initiate our meetings/plans. Why am I drawing such a hard line with him that I don’t necessarily draw with other friends? After all, isn’t friendshipContinue reading “Desperate urgency & holding the line”
Two reasons that are hard to let go of
With all the genuine attention and affectionate gestures/behaviors I’m getting from several people in the gay men’s chorus, including even physical affection when I open/loosen up, why did I get so hung up on that one guy with whom I hooked up? After all, he’s not the only one who’s shown me interest, he’s notContinue reading “Two reasons that are hard to let go of”
Rephrasing, Reframing, Reclaiming
Maybe I’ve been acting a bit too much the victim in the situation with the gender-expansive gay guy with whom I hooked up. After all, if I led most of the thing and/or took the initiative most of the time, it’s because I wanted to, because I chose to. I started it, I kept itContinue reading “Rephrasing, Reframing, Reclaiming”
Hanging heartbreaks
Why does every new heartbreak trigger, or re-open, all of the old ones? I need to learn to get closure and/or repair together with the person(s) involved in the breakup(s) with me. I think this is my biggest mistake, or weakness, when it comes to relationships ending. My anger — that has been a faithfulContinue reading “Hanging heartbreaks”
Endings
Yesterday evening, I had the last class of a poetry course that I had been taking for the past eight weeks. Yesterday afternoon, I posted that message on the bulletin board of my chorus to voice my difficulties around our current concert, coming out as aro. And yesterday also marked the very end of directContinue reading “Endings”
The Little Prince and the Fox 