Tag Archives: music

Ripping off the bandaid

Of course this is painful. Of course I’m feeling uncomfortable and even somewhat dysregulated. This is a loss, yet another loss.  I have decided to quit the gay men’s chorus.  I will have to grieve this.  But what is “this” exactly? My identity as “gay man”, or my “wish to be accepted as a gayContinue reading “Ripping off the bandaid”

“Maine”

[Content warnings: loss, grief, death.] Often, my favorite songs remind me of beloved persons or meaningful places or memorable experiences. I’ve never been to Maine. I have no connection to Maine, nor does my European queer ex-lover. Yet, Noah Kahan’s song Maine for some reason makes me think of my European queer ex-lover. Maybe it’sContinue reading ““Maine””

Friendship: “Highway Queen”

This is how I feel about, or one way I would describe, true friendship: “ Well, there’s only a few pines left by the highway side And they all whistle as the wind rips straight through your pride Baby, it’s only your eyes and mine And this darkness that grows in time Oh, ‘cause youContinue reading “Friendship: “Highway Queen””

Wonderful validations & liberating clarifications

Last night, I went to the birthday celebration of one of the more outgoing & friendly people in the gay men’s chorus, joining folks at a queer club.  Overall, I really had fun and the night felt affirming and liberating in several ways that are still making me glow now.  Fortunately, my closest nonbinary transmascContinue reading “Wonderful validations & liberating clarifications”

This hard week ahead

It’s Monday. Not as bad as last week but still hard. And a hard week ahead. Since starting to sing with the gay men’s chorus last September, Mondays have become a day of great emotional upheaval.  For nearly two months at the beginning, the emotions were mostly negative, difficult, and painful. Then, they became joyfulContinue reading “This hard week ahead”

Pink Pony Boy

I’m still smiling from pure, intense, almost overwhelming joy. It’s filling me up in such a wonderful, easy way. Last night I went out dancing with one of the guys from the gay men’s chorus. He’s the cis man with whom I had danced Swing at the end of November — my first, wonderful experienceContinue reading “Pink Pony Boy”

“… a version of you that I might not have but will not lose”

“  As you promised me that I was more than all the miles combined You must have had yourself a change of heart like Halfway through the drive ‘Cause your voice trailed off exactly as you passed my exit sign You kept on drivin’ straight and left our future to the right Now I amContinue reading ““… a version of you that I might not have but will not lose””

Aromanticism & Amatonormativity: my difficulties with our Spring concert

I’m thinking of writing the following message (as a post in the bulletin board) to my chorus members because the amatonormative assumptions that are being made around the content of our next concert have come to be just too uncomfortable and othering for me.  I am aromantic. Coming out as aro is often harder forContinue reading “Aromanticism & Amatonormativity: my difficulties with our Spring concert”

Gender-less, gender-full, gender-free

Last night, I danced Swing (& some Polka) with one of the gay men from our chorus.  In the evening we had another volunteer community singing event where some of us participated; then we went caroling for local businesses in a queer district in the city; and then we finally went to one of theContinue reading “Gender-less, gender-full, gender-free”