Once again the topic of male closeness. Yesterday, I finally climbed again with my first climbing partner from Colorado. We met almost two & a half years ago, through my Italian climbing buddy. I’m not sure what to make of J. or of our relationship. The first time we met, we were the two onlyContinue reading “Close but not too close and often not close enough”
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Joy in male closeness
The rehearsals with the gay men’s chorus keep getting better and are starting to become an actual source of joy for me. I still feel extremely anxious for hours before the rehearsal and very shy when I’m there, and I still escape to be outside by myself during our 10-minute break halfway through practice. ButContinue reading “Joy in male closeness”
Steps in the grief cycle
[Trigger warnings: grief, loss; compulsory-sexuality mentality.] The guy on my left during the second part of last week’s rehearsal with the gay men’s chorus had a tattoo on his inner left forearm that read: “Acceptance is the answer”. I wonder if I’ll ever get there. I’m definitely still in the stormy and painful part ofContinue reading “Steps in the grief cycle”
The ‘aro’ arrow
[Note: the author is claiming that the ‘aro label’ feels like a death sentence or lack or incapacity for themself, and not that aromantic people are lacking or in any way deficient!] It’s been a week of difficult emotions. So difficult, in fact, that I haven’t even been able to write. Last Sunday was aContinue reading “The ‘aro’ arrow”
Embodied creature(s)
We are embodied creatures. At least, I feel this embodiment, the fact of being an embodied creature, very strongly. Sometimes I love, I revel in, this body of mine and the connection I have with it. And sometimes it is a profound source of anguish or suffering for me (like when I’m injured or illContinue reading “Embodied creature(s)”
Night & Day
Today, I had a wonderful day. Long and tiring and also stressful because I’m still having car issues — but my buddies have my back, even with my car issues. I finally climbed again with my closest climbing buddy and had a nice afternoon with him — and the climbing session itself was a greatContinue reading “Night & Day”
Holding ourselves, holding each other
Yesterday I had a very stressful day. Logistically stressful because of expensive car issues and emotionally taxing because of the exit interview for my current job that ends in two weeks. All I wanted by the end of the day was quiet — and to be held. I would have really needed (or wanted?) somebodyContinue reading “Holding ourselves, holding each other”
Giving space & creating inclusive spaces
This summer, I’ve often felt sad and disappointed for being unable, because of injuries, to achieve the goals I had set myself: climbing and leading trad routes; bagging fourteeners; preparing to run my first full marathon in October (before I turn 43). In many moments, it’s felt like each goal I was setting myself wasContinue reading “Giving space & creating inclusive spaces”
Differences and commonalities — some reflections
Why did I want to join this gay men’s chorus? Why do I still want to try and be part of it? Because I like to sing. Because, from the musical viewpoint of how they sound, I prefer choirs that are either solely of high voices or solely of low voices. Because I want toContinue reading “Differences and commonalities — some reflections”
Delayed meltdown
[Trigger warnings: panic responses, meltdown; transphobia.] I finally dragged myself out of bed past ten thirty this morning. Part of it was simply physical exhaustion: I was unable to get to sleep until almost one in the morning and then woke up to pee shortly before six and couldn’t get back to sleep for aContinue reading “Delayed meltdown”
The Little Prince and the Fox 