Uncategorized – Page 23 – The Little Prince and the Fox

I was given a sieve when I needed a bucket

If my right wrist weren’t injured still, I’d be on a birthday climbing trip with my closest buddy. We finalized plans ten days ago and then I finally told him that I wasn’t sure how much, if at all, I could climb because of my wrist injury. It was hard for me to actually sayContinue reading “I was given a sieve when I needed a bucket”

Life & love resist

Winter arrived early this year, cold and hard. But despite the relentless snow terminating many of the gorgeous autumn colors early, some remain: flaming leaves resist the cold and snow, as life and love resist. Love and life resist and will eventually prevail. Because springs always returns, eventually.

Existence is resistance

I am queer. I am a transgender person. I’m nonbinary transmasculine. I’m gay but also asexual and aromantic. I’m polyamorous and believe in consensual non-monogamy as well as in a universally expansive definition or application of the term “marriage” as a union that can be formed/undertaken between two or more adult persons who care forContinue reading “Existence is resistance”

Sensory immersion: memories from a year & a half ago

Loud music. Deafening loud music in a hot room with dazzling lights. The air is stuffy but not with that musty, moldy stuffiness of old age: it’s stuffy from youthful life, exceeding life and sexual energy. It smells of sweat. Loud music and dazzling lights in the darkness, heat and sweat. It’s crowded, one canContinue reading “Sensory immersion: memories from a year & a half ago”

Horror

I’m in shock, in disbelief still. That’s probably just because I’m naïvely optimistic, to a fault. The brief moments when reality sinks in, I feel devastated. Fear and fury. That’s what I — and many of us — are feeling now. Which is not a healthy or “normal” way to feel in a democracy. IfContinue reading “Horror”

Feeling the end

[Trigger warning: end of life.] The other persistent feeling that I’ve been having for a little over a year now (I can remember telling my swimmer/artist friend in California about it in September 2023) is of having reached my end, i.e. of having nothing left to do here, in this life, and it being timeContinue reading “Feeling the end”

Papa’ e’ morto

[Trigger warnings: death of parent; losses; grief.] The other persistent feeling of the past few weeks has been a stronger wave of grief due to a new, deeper realization of my father’s death. He died over a year ago and yet I don’t think I ever really grieved him. Apart from the first couple daysContinue reading “Papa’ e’ morto”

My gender is a rainbow

In the past several weeks I’ve been feeling three sensations persistently. One of them — the bright, or light, one — is a liberating and profound sense of my gender being a rainbow, or maybe a kaleidoscope. I wouldn’t call it “fluid”, as in genderfluid, because to me it doesn’t feel like it’s shifting orContinue reading “My gender is a rainbow”

Precious weekend

I can use many words to describe this weekend retreat with the gay men’s chorus: fun, playful, interesting, tiring, long, intense, healing, liberating, powerful, wonderful. And they’d all be appropriate. But if I had to pick just one word to describe it, I would choose precious. This weekend retreat with the gay men’s chorus to meContinue reading “Precious weekend”

Grief and that unrelenting yearning

[Trigger warnings: loss, death of parent, grief.] Ten days ago, the weekend I was staying with my closest climbing buddy and his partner, after my solo hike on Sunday I could feel this lump in my throat, this knot in my chest as I relaxed. Grief. Grief that needed to be honored and released. IContinue reading “Grief and that unrelenting yearning”