The first time I hooked up with the gender-expansive gay guy from the chorus, he said to me just twice, “You’re a hot guy”, and it felt extremely affirming to me. I don’t see myself as a “hot guy” but hearing it explicitly from a gay man is validating of my gender-identity. At least inContinue reading “I’m not a “hot guy””
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My salpingectomy is a political act
Yesterday evening my buddy who drove me & took care of me all day for my double procedure on Wednesday came over for dinner with his wife & daughter to celebrate not only the Winter Solstice with me but also my last gender-affirming surgery. It was a lovely gesture and we had a lovely time. Continue reading “My salpingectomy is a political act”
The boy who got a salpingectomy
[Trigger warning: some medical details on salpingectomy & endometrial ablation surgeries.] I am a boy. A nonbinary, trans, aro-ace gay boy. A boy with a vagina and uterus and ovaries. And a boy who just got a salpingectomy and endometrial ablation. That means I got the lining of my uterus cauterized and removed so IContinue reading “The boy who got a salpingectomy”
Standing on the threshold: the day before
Another sleepless night, tossing and turning in bed. Restless and sleepless despite my physical tiredness. It’s my emotions. So similar to the couple of days prior to my gender-affirming top-surgery in January 2023 and so similar to the last couple of days in Spain before moving to California in January 2016. The main feeling IContinue reading “Standing on the threshold: the day before”
This scared child
[Trigger warning: some detail about surgery (ablation & salpingectomy).] Last night, despite my tiredness, I couldn’t fall asleep. I was physically exhausted but my mind kept spinning, taking some upsetting thoughts & feelings and running with them. I could literally see, feel the spinning — one of the few times that I have really beenContinue reading “This scared child”
FOMO
I’ve been wiped out by fatigue since Tuesday and yesterday I woke up with a sore throat and I still feel tired and with cold symptoms. Apparently, I have nothing “serious”: the swab/PCR tests for COVID, STREP, RSV, and flu all came back negative, so that’s good news. But I’m probably fighting something and definitelyContinue reading “FOMO”
“Internal Family Systems”
I’ve never really done therapy with the Internal Family Systems method but I am familiar with the concepts and tools from it. And I think I’ve been living or enacting it in my life lately, partly even unawares. Lately, I’ve been having lots of (not unpleasant) dreams in which my sister and/or my mother appearContinue reading ““Internal Family Systems””
My gay men’s family
The first performance I did with the gay men’s chorus on Thursday evening ended up being such a difficult, overwhelming experience for me that I skipped the one on the next day. Last Thursday, I just couldn’t get myself in the mood to perform with them. My social battery was drained, my introvert self wasContinue reading “My gay men’s family”
Too much cake…?
Tonight I have the first full, official concert with the gay men’s chorus. And I’m not really in the mood for it. Since last Wednesday, in just over one week, I’ve sung & hung out with people from the choir already four times, and will have to do so for four more days in aContinue reading “Too much cake…?”
Men’s dress shoes & ties: gender-euphoria & healing
I thought I hated shopping. I actually used to hate shopping — shopping for clothes or shoes or accessories always felt like a nightmare to me and I used to avoid it like the plague. I still avoid shopping: I tend to do it only when I really, really have to (e.g. today, I finallyContinue reading “Men’s dress shoes & ties: gender-euphoria & healing”
The Little Prince and the Fox 