Sometimes I tend to ruminate and/or hold onto things more than is necessary, or even good, for me. OK, so this gay men’s chorus means a lot to me. Fine. Six months ago, I made the decision to reach out to them and prepare for the audition, which I eventually passed in August. I acceptedContinue reading “Own my choices and then let go”
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Slowly learning to let go…
I’m feeling a sense of sadness that is similar to what I experience sometimes after the super-high of a race: it’s like some sort of “post-high low”. I’m probably also trying to come to terms with the fact that this gay men’s chorus means so much more to me that I do to them. IfContinue reading “Slowly learning to let go…”
Gender-less, gender-full, gender-free
Last night, I danced Swing (& some Polka) with one of the gay men from our chorus. In the evening we had another volunteer community singing event where some of us participated; then we went caroling for local businesses in a queer district in the city; and then we finally went to one of theContinue reading “Gender-less, gender-full, gender-free”
Magical “first times”
In the past four days I’ve had half a dozen “firsts”, so many wonderful first times that I’m still reeling from it. My first performance (albeit small & partial) with the gay men’s chorus. My first concert singing with my “new” — low or “male” — voice. My first gay-boy hookup. My first queer Friends-/ThanksgivingContinue reading “Magical “first times””
“Soul meets body”
To Andrew: “ I want to live where soul meets body And let the sun wrap its arms around me And bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing And feel, feel what it’s like to be new ‘Cause in my head there’s a greyhound station Where I send my thoughts to far off destinationsContinue reading ““Soul meets body””
“Where soul meets body”
I think the main reason — concrete, tangible — why it is affirming for me in such a unique and intense way to have sex with a gay man is because in that moment, like in no other, I am being seen and accepted — concretely, tangibly — as a boy regardless of what IContinue reading ““Where soul meets body””
Magical affirmations and learning to let go
Yesterday, I had another wonderful — joyful, fun, validating, affirming, liberating, empowering — experience, also connected to the gay men’s chorus in which I sing. We did a small performance for the “lighting of the lights” event on the façade of the City Hall building. We sang ten of the sixteen songs from our upcomingContinue reading “Magical affirmations and learning to let go”
The asexual hookup
[Trigger warning: sex/sexuality.] I am asexual. I know I keep saying this over and over again. But I feel I have to — and this irritates me and pains me — because I’m feeling invalidated by people over and over again, with some of the usual gaslighting that ace people so often get, e.g. “maybeContinue reading “The asexual hookup”
The importance (& novelty) of platonic human touch
Last night, I cried a lot. Silent tears, on and off. But I didn’t cry alone. I was within a loving community and with two good friends. And along with the tears there were lots of hugs, warm embraces as we held each other’s hands, as we held each other in our arms, standingContinue reading “The importance (& novelty) of platonic human touch”
TDOR 2024: we shall not forget
[Trigger warnings: transphobia, violent deaths, hate crimes, shooting; grief.] I’m still feeling a complex and intense mix of emotions from last night’s Trans Day Of Remembrance celebrations — and tired from another night of poor sleep as my mind couldn’t settle. I went to last night’s event with my oldest/closet nonbinary transmasc friend and withContinue reading “TDOR 2024: we shall not forget”
The Little Prince and the Fox 