Uncategorized – Page 20 – The Little Prince and the Fox

The gift of friendship

A few days ago, one of my closets friends here in Colorado said to me that I “have a gift for friendship”. That’s one of the highest compliments I could be given, one of the loveliest things I could be told. And I’m not sure I deserve such a compliment. More simply, I would sayContinue reading “The gift of friendship”

Aro-ace crush

I have a crush on one of the guys in the gay men’s chorus. Admittedly, I hardly know this person. But there have been more direct interactions between us than with other choir members and there seems seems to be a mutual liking, although I don’t exactly know of what sort on their part. IContinue reading “Aro-ace crush”

For lack of a penis?

[Trigger warnings: misgendering, potential transphobia; nude modeling; references to naked body parts, incl. genitals.] In my nude modeling session yesterday I was heavily misgendered by the instructor (a woman in, I’m guessing, her mid-forties). And it was one of the most upsetting experiences I’ve had. We started out with a standard set of gestures andContinue reading “For lack of a penis?”

Turning the sieve into a bucket?

Last night I had the first full, regular rehearsal with the gay men’s chorus again after the retreat two weeks ago. And it was lovely. Having reached out to a few trusted members before the retreat and then going to the retreat itself have really helped me feel more comfortable with myself within this choir. Continue reading “Turning the sieve into a bucket?”

I was given a sieve when I needed a bucket

If my right wrist weren’t injured still, I’d be on a birthday climbing trip with my closest buddy. We finalized plans ten days ago and then I finally told him that I wasn’t sure how much, if at all, I could climb because of my wrist injury. It was hard for me to actually sayContinue reading “I was given a sieve when I needed a bucket”

Life & love resist

Winter arrived early this year, cold and hard. But despite the relentless snow terminating many of the gorgeous autumn colors early, some remain: flaming leaves resist the cold and snow, as life and love resist. Love and life resist and will eventually prevail. Because springs always returns, eventually.

Existence is resistance

I am queer. I am a transgender person. I’m nonbinary transmasculine. I’m gay but also asexual and aromantic. I’m polyamorous and believe in consensual non-monogamy as well as in a universally expansive definition or application of the term “marriage” as a union that can be formed/undertaken between two or more adult persons who care forContinue reading “Existence is resistance”

Sensory immersion: memories from a year & a half ago

Loud music. Deafening loud music in a hot room with dazzling lights. The air is stuffy but not with that musty, moldy stuffiness of old age: it’s stuffy from youthful life, exceeding life and sexual energy. It smells of sweat. Loud music and dazzling lights in the darkness, heat and sweat. It’s crowded, one canContinue reading “Sensory immersion: memories from a year & a half ago”

Horror

I’m in shock, in disbelief still. That’s probably just because I’m naïvely optimistic, to a fault. The brief moments when reality sinks in, I feel devastated. Fear and fury. That’s what I — and many of us — are feeling now. Which is not a healthy or “normal” way to feel in a democracy. IfContinue reading “Horror”

Feeling the end

[Trigger warning: end of life.] The other persistent feeling that I’ve been having for a little over a year now (I can remember telling my swimmer/artist friend in California about it in September 2023) is of having reached my end, i.e. of having nothing left to do here, in this life, and it being timeContinue reading “Feeling the end”