Despite all the pain and anger over the past couple weeks, the strongest and most consistent feeling since ending things with the gender-expansive guy with whom I had hooked up has been that of “getting my life back”. Something cracked, and that’s where the pain comes. But the crack is also allowing “good stuff” toContinue reading “Oh, sweet liberation!”
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Pain & Anger
I have so much pain and anger in me right now that I feel it might crack me open.
Tu vas me manquer, dude!
[Note: This entry will be very long, and partly flow-of-consciousness. This is probably a piece that will eventually, hopefully, go into my memoir. So please read with sympathy and feel free to comment as long as it’s gentle & constructive feedback.] “Elle parle Français et beaucoup d’autres langues!” my French buddy cried after the pairContinue reading “Tu vas me manquer, dude!”
“when you have forgotten Sunday: the love story”
“ —And when you have forgotten the bright bedclothes on a Wednesday and a Saturday, And most especially when you have forgotten Sunday— When you have forgotten Sunday halves in bed, Or me sitting on the front-room radiator in the limping afternoon Looking off down the long street To nowhere, Hugged by my plain oldContinue reading ““when you have forgotten Sunday: the love story””
Relational ablation
“Ablation” (definition/meaning, e.g. Merriam-Webster dictionary): a) surgical removal; b) loss or removal of a part (such as ice from a glacier or the outside of a nose cone)[…]. In their support of my difficulties at the retreat due to the recent ending of the relationship with the gender-expansive gay guy with whom I had hookedContinue reading “Relational ablation”
Finding “my people”
This weekend’s retreat with the gay men’s chorus was a lot. Overall, it wasn’t as difficult or as emotionally overwhelming or upsetting to me as the first one had been, in October, when I was still a complete newbie and really struggling socially with this group of people that was still so foreign to me. Continue reading “Finding “my people””
A hole is a space you can fill
On Monday evening, a relationship that I cared about, or hoped for, ended. In reality, in my own head & heart, that relationship had ended already the previous week. In fact, on Sunday, foreseeing a difficult conversation with the gender-expansive gay guy from the chorus and ensuing “emotional wreck” state for me, I reached outContinue reading “A hole is a space you can fill”
Rejection — Punch in the stomach
Rejection feels like a punch in the stomach to me. Every time. It never gets easier. It hurts like hell every time, no matter how often it has happened to me, no matter how prepared I might be for it. Even when I know it’s going to hit — like I did yesterday evening —Continue reading “Rejection — Punch in the stomach”
More good news this week!
Although these aren’t the only issues at stake right now, we must celebrate the good news that we do have: – One Colorado is reporting that The True Center and Denver Health are to reinstate gender-affirming care for youth in Colorado!!!!!!!! (Big thanks to One Colorado and CO Attorney General Phil Weiser!) And: – “DemocratsContinue reading “More good news this week!”
“Routines in the night”
“ Walk the layout, routines in the night Some doors have “stay out” spray painted in white While all the world’s asleep, I walk around instead Through the memories, down the halls of my head Walk the layout, routines in the night Some doors have “stay out” spray painted in white While all the world’sContinue reading ““Routines in the night””
The Little Prince and the Fox 