adventurerliberated

Exile and longings

I’m reading another of the novels from Ursula Le Guin’s collection of “Hainish Novels & Stories”. I’m not going to go into all the reasons I like, really admire, her works. There is one central reason, or theme, that speaks to me: that of exile and longing. In all of her “Hainish Novels” that IContinue reading “Exile and longings”

Flow-of-consciousness thoughts & feelings on my unmet relational needs

My mind likes to have something to focus on. Or something to obsess about. And periodically, it obsesses about “having a boyfriend” (whatever that may mean for someone who is aro-ace). I often – more and more often – think that the importance my buddies have for me or the affection I feel for themContinue reading “Flow-of-consciousness thoughts & feelings on my unmet relational needs”

Shooting stars

On Tuesday night, I stayed up later than usual after dinner, wrapped up in a big blue blanket, lying on the picnic table at my campsite and looking up at the sky, watching for shooting stars. I saw four, then tiredness got the better of me and I headed into my little tent, to cozyContinue reading “Shooting stars”

Finding myself again

A quarter of a century ago, the summer after I had finished high school, I met a boy who was nearly three years younger than I and who quickly became one of my closest friends and biggest loves. We were sailing partners, buddies, lovers, siblings. We’re still in touch to this day — in fact,Continue reading “Finding myself again”

Pinnacle

[Trigger warning: loss, grief.] This is a very hard week with memories connected to my father unearthing all the grief from that loss along with the loss of my European (gender)queer ex-lover who had supported me through the loss of my father. There are moments where I’m just overwhelmed by the grief and tears gushContinue reading “Pinnacle”

Missed birthday

[Trigger warning: death, grief.] Today’s my dad’s birthday: he would be turning 74. But he died two years ago, on 12th July, 2023, four days short of turning 72 and exactly four months before my own birthday.

Explorations, revelations, validations

Last night I went out dancing with two guys from the chorus who are also newbies: with one of them I connected over the Pride weekend; with the other I had had a few conversations when he had just joined the chorus (3 months after I did) and I had made a point of welcomingContinue reading “Explorations, revelations, validations”

Fundamentally at odds with these people?

Am I going insane or are other people blind? There’s a passage in the book Unmasking Autism by Dr. Devon Price that mentions how autistic people, while often not picking up on neurotypical “social queues”, are actually much more perceptive and better at “reading the room” that neurotypical people. Is that what’s going on forContinue reading “Fundamentally at odds with these people?”

On Hope (& Trust)

“ Hope is a slighter, tougher thing even than trust, he thought, pacing his room as the soundless, vague lightning flashed overhead. In a good season one trusts life; in a bad season one only hopes. But they are of the same essence: the are the mind’s indispensable relationship with other minds, with the world,Continue reading “On Hope (& Trust)”

Living in my mind — Living in my body

For most of my life, at least since middle school, I lived in my head, almost exclusively with my mind. Being trans, although I didn’t have the words for it, I suffered from (gender) dysphoria and so the more my body turned into a “female body”, the more I fought it, hid it, or ignoredContinue reading “Living in my mind — Living in my body”