death – The Little Prince and the Fox

Boiled peanuts

[Trigger warnings: death; grief] “Is there anything you’d like to say?”, Maya, Ron’s fiancé, asks him, as the five of us are sitting around the tiny dinner table, ready to tuck into the food. Ron’s eyes get watery, for a moment he seems at a loss for words. “Andrew used to like to have peopleContinue reading “Boiled peanuts”

Avalanche in Tahoe

[Trigger warnings: death; grief] My phone rings. It’s my buddy Ron. We’ve been playing phone tag all day, so I pick up immediately. “Hey A., before we go into anything… there was an avalanche in Tahoe…”, the words catch in his throat as my mind already knows what’s coming next — “… my friend… he’sContinue reading “Avalanche in Tahoe”

Something died within me: nothing to look forward to

[Trigger warnings: death, loss, grief; depression.] I spend a lot of time in my head: rumination, dreams, memories. The present is bleak, the future a black hole with nothing to look forward to. Five years ago, with the COVID pandemic, something broke for me. Something broke me — the long illness, the complete isolation, theContinue reading “Something died within me: nothing to look forward to”

I’m never there for them when they go…

[Trigger warnings: death, loss, grief, corpse] One of my earliest clear memories is from when I was six years old and our dog, a rescued mutt, was put down because he was old and, especially, suffering from his illness. I wasn’t actually present, at the vet’s, when they put him down, but I remember knowingContinue reading “I’m never there for them when they go…”