Commemorating the 40th celebration of MLK Jr. Day

“

Martin Luther King (MLK) Jr. Day 2025 marks the holiday’s 40th observance. The theme, “Mission Possible: Protecting Freedom, Justice, and Democracy in the Spirit of Nonviolence 365,” is challenging in this politically polarized era. With this new presidency, we are called to reaffirm our values and hold them against a hard reality in order to provide a promise for future generations. 

Americans on the margins have the most to lose now in a country eroding, if not dismantling, decades-long civil rights gains that allowed protection and participation in an evolving multicultural democracy.

…

Moral leadership played a profound role in King’s justice work. He argued that authentic moral leadership must involve itself in the situations of all who are damned, disinherited, disrespected, and dispossessed. He also believed that moral leadership must be part of a participatory government that is feverishly working to dismantle any existing discriminatory laws that prevent full participation in the fight to advance democracy. 

However, if King were among us today, he would say that it is not enough to look outside ourselves to see the places where society is broken. It is not enough to talk about institutions and workplaces that fracture and separate people based on race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, and other experiential lines. Oftentimes, these institutions and workplaces are broken, dysfunctional, and wounded in the same ways we are — the structures we’ve created mirror not who we want to be but who we are.

… 

“If you want to see love, be love. If you want to receive compassion, be compassionate. If you want respect, you have to show respect,” Bernice King said in an interview promoting her 2022 children’s book It Starts With Me.

… 

When we use our gifts to serve others, as King has taught us, we shift the paradigm of personal brokenness to personal healing. We also shift the paradigm of looking for moral leadership from outside of ourselves to within ourselves, thus realizing that we are not only the agents of change in society but also the moral leaders we have been looking for.

Therefore, our job in keeping King’s dream alive is to remember that our longing for social justice remains also inextricably tied to our longing for personal healing — and it starts with you.

”

[from the article “Looking for the next Martin Luther King Jr.? Here’s where to find him…” in LGBTQ Nation]

“LGBTQ+ activists revive Stonewall Democrats after it shut down over a decade ago”

“A new coalition emerges a dozen years after the national group disbanded.”

[from the article “LGBTQ+ activists revive Stonewall Democrats after it shut down over a decade ago” in LGBTQ Nation]

I’m never there for them when they go…

[Trigger warnings: death, loss, grief, corpse]

One of my earliest clear memories is from when I was six years old and our dog, a rescued mutt, was put down because he was old and, especially, suffering from his illness. 

I wasn’t actually present, at the vet’s, when they put him down, but I remember knowing exactly what was going on that afternoon and why I was going to spend it at my buddy’s house. My mother didn’t want me to be there, to actually see Rocky be put down, to see Rocky go. But first he was there: an active, affectionate, rowdy, playful presence in my life; and then, a couple hours later, he wasn’t there anymore. Not ever again. 

My maternal grandfather died when I had just started college. He was a distracted, distant or aloof scientist but he was also the only person in my family of origin who really saw me for who I was — he saw the athlete, the scientist, and the boy in me. There was an ocean dividing us. As a college student it was too expensive for me to get a flight to go see him before he passed and logistics also made in hard with me in college and him in a retirement home. I’d call him & my grandmother every weekend. Until it was only her I could call. 

She died thirteen years later. In that time, I had grown into an adult, become financially independent, and started visiting her once a year overseas. When she got the stroke, I believed the doctor, trusted the number of days he assured me she would live, and bought my flight accordingly. But she didn’t make it and I got there too late to say Goodbye. 

When my father got sick and eventually died overseas, it was my decision, as a fully grown adult, to not fly over. I needed that distance. I don’t regret that decision. I lost my father a long time before July 2023, I lost him three decades ago, although he was still alive and well then. I never really got to say Goodbye. Maybe I never really had the choice. 

My pet snake died yesterday. At the vet’s. While I was grocery shopping on my way to pick her up after climbing at the gym with a buddy. Her heart failed. 

The first thought that came to my mind when the vet told me what had happened was, “I wasn’t there for her. I didn’t see her go”. 

Yet another missed Goodbye. 

This time I got to see the corpse, though. This time, the decision of what to do with the remains is on me. At least, I have that choice. 

“It’s just a snake”, you’ll say. But she was my snake, she was my pretty girl. Her tank sat (still sits) in one of my bedrooms. Every morning, the first thing I’d do right out of bed was go to her tank and turn on her lamp; and every night, the last thing before bedtime, was turning off her lamp — wishing her “Good morning” & “Good night” every day. I know she didn’t understand but that doesn’t matter: it meant a lot to me; and I know for a fact that she recognized me, even if just by my smell and the sound of my voice. 

I remember bringing her home from the vivarium in California: seven years ago, almost to the day, on a bleak rainy night in January 2018. I didn’t have a cat back then, so a friend drove me. My snake chose me, not the other way around. And now she’s gone. Her little heart gave in. And maybe that’s my fault because she was a Rosy Boa, a Southern California / Northern Mexico desert species whose genes might not have been prepared to put up with living at altitude here in Colorado… 

“It’s just a snake”, and yet it isn’t. One of my therapists used to say that all types and/or causes of anger go, emotionally, into one bucket that eventually will overflow and/or explode. I feel the same about loss and grief. This loss, the death of my beloved pet snake, while devastating and definitely heart-breaking per se, is also bringing up all of the old grief for me, especially from the other recent losses. In this case, though, differently from the other losses, I cannot help blaming myself: did I not catch her illness in time? Did I bring her to a climate that was too hard on her body? Did I not care for her adequately? What did I do wrong?

“Black rights are queer rights & queer rights are Black rights”

Some valuable excerpts from the article “Civil rights leader David Johns is fighting to reclaim the future for Black & queer America” in LGBTQ Nation:

“

“People forget that democracies have to be defended by each generation and that education is its midwife.”

…

“Culture wars are manufactured to drive wedges” within coalitions working toward shared progressive goals, Johns said, and to “spur misinformation and disinformation, to have people believing their privilege protects them from the assaults that so many of us have experienced.” 

… 

In recent years, the far right has aimed its cannons at attacking Americans who are gender nonconforming, who complicate the assumed and enforced narrative of a rigid gender binary. Johns thinks we could all take a page from Somй in embracing and acknowledging gender nonconforming people as those who have found liberatory fulfillment within an existence characterized by liminality by seeking and celebrating the fuzziness of straddling worlds, communities, and identities. 

… 

MAGA fascism remixes Jim Crow authoritarianism with xenophobia, antisemitism,  and the moral and sexual panic of McCarthyism. It thrives on a blinkered individualism that counts “do your own research” as its rallying cry, embracing the might of terrorism as its enforcement mechanism. It engineers a false sense of unity through the creation of a common enemy (anyone whose identities would place them under the umbrella of “woke” or “DEI,” its adopted terms of derision). It is a politic of isolation, dissatisfaction, and demagoguery. But it is not new, nor is it insurmountable. 

The most effective methods for subverting its power and its violence, Johns asserts, are the classics, […] including community, mutual aid, doing away with colonialist ideas that “access to anything is based on a state-sanctioned relationship between heterosexual people.”

… 

“If we don’t do this better together, then we all suffer the consequences, and so many of us will die,” Johns warned. “… We have better odds of surviving this hunger game if we all go together. And so my hope is that that lesson from our ancestors would be a compelling one.”

“

[from the article “Civil rights leader David Johns is fighting to reclaim the future for Black & queer America” in LGBTQ Nation]

My first “non-period”!

Today, I’m four weeks out from my double procedure and thus cleared to go back to all my normal activities — YAY! 

This week I’m also experiencing my first “non-period”, i.e. my first period with no bleeding, as a result of the double procedure I had four weeks ago — double YAY! 

It will take a while before I get used to this change as being a regular, acquired result of the surgery I decided to undergo in December but it’s already starting to register a little bit and it feels good. And in the light of the current dark events, I am determined to focus on, and revel in, the gender-affirming aspects both of the surgery itself and of its effects on my body & my life. 

Witch Hunt

This is not about “women’s rights”. This is a witch-hunt. This is yet another move by the patriarchy to use women & trans people, and their bodies, as political tools in battles that have no scientific nor humanitarian basis: 

– Article in The Guardian: “House Republicans pass bill to ban trans women and girls from school sports”

– Article from CNN: “GOP-led House votes to ban transgender athletes from women’s sports”

– Article in The New York Times: “House passes bill to bar trans athletes from female school sports teams”

Yet another reason to boycott Amazon & some other big corporations

Personally, I have been boycotting Amazon and some other big corporations for several years now. But in case anyone needed one more reason to do so, this article in LGBTQ Nation provides just that:

“

Amazon has joined the slew of companies rolling back its DEI efforts in apparent celebration of Donald Trump’s “anti-woke” agenda. The changes specifically target LGBTQ+ people, with the section on LGBTQ+ rights being completely removed from its Positions page.

…

A section entitled “Equity for Black people” was also removed from the Positions page.

The tech giant also renamed a page for prospective employees from “Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion” to “Inclusive Experiences and Technology.” Where it once claimed to “advance DEI through technology,” it now promises to “advance the employee experience.”

…

And in the tech world, Amazon’s rollbacks are apparently becoming par for the course. Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg has launched an anti-LGBTQ+ policy spree this month, seemingly emboldened by the election results to do whatever he wants.

Zuckerberg, Bezos, OpenAI CEO Sam Altman, and Apple CEO Tim Cook have also all donated $1 million to Donald Trump’s inaugural fund.

”

[from the article “Amazon removes section on LGBTQ+ right from its policy page” in LGBTQ Nation]

2025: My Three New Year’s Resolutions

A couple weeks ago, I stated my #1 New Year’s Resolution for 2025: 

I’m going to allow myself to be a man — to think of myself, to feel myself, to grow into myself, to express myself as my own version of nonbinary man.

So far, I have kept faithful and already been implementing this new year’s resolution. Two other new year resolutions for 2025 have also surfaced for me, which I’m already putting into practice as well and I want to state here, too.

#2 New Year’s Resolution for 2025: 

I’m going to pursue only relationships and/or situations that are truly available to me (no more “knocking on closed doors”).

#3 New Year’s Resolution for 2025:

I’m going to share a piece of news that I find relevant on my blog every day (independently from my strictly personal posts here).

Both of the latter resolutions (#2 & #3) I had already started putting into practice, but stating them clearly and explicitly feels important to me and will likely help my accountability. 

I am ready for this!

Centennial of the LGBTQ+ rights movement in the U.S.

In these dark moments, more than ever we need to remember and celebrate the accomplishments and never forget the past, so here’s an excerpt from an article in LGBTQ Nation: 

“

The centennial celebration of the Society for Human Rights is also the centennial of the official movement for LGBTQ+ equality in the United States. 

The celebration reminds us of all the group has taught: to gather in community, to help in community, to organize in community. As LGBTQ+ history is removed from curriculums as part of a broad anti-LGBTQ+ movement, organizations like Bell’s and Wilson’s continue to share our heritage outside of state-sanctioned channels.

“We are grounded in the present moment only when we understand the moments of the past,” Wilson said. “Understanding history empowers us to stand our ground and to advance the causes that others, like Henry Gerber, began advancing long ago. Historical literacy is required to be a fully functioning, empowered human being able to contribute to the conversation and move the moment forward.”

”

[from the article “America’s first gay rights group formed a century ago this year & you’ve probably never heard of it” in LGBTQ Nation]

A new kind of “boys night out”

Last night I went to the movie theatre (for the first time since COVID!) with one of my fellow baritone singers from the gay men’s chorus and his partner (both cis-men) and a cis-woman friend of theirs. After initial introductions and small talk, we went to get drinks & food for the show and while we were chatting the woman said to me, “Sorry for crashing your boys night out!” 

I guess a comment like that totally makes sense: her friends, the other two gay guys, are cis-men she knows and I, the newcomer, was introduced as a chorus member and I look like a man much more than I’m still able to realize. So she just made the assumption that I was a man and, probably, a gay man. 

Did she go as far as assuming that I’m cis? But maybe that doesn’t matter… it really shouldn’t: if I feel like a man, it doesn’t matter whether I’m cis or trans. 

Her playful comment, which was the clear indicator of an assumption based on looks & situation, baffled me for a brief moment: it still is disconcerting to me that the world may see me like a man without putting it in doubt, without me having to do anything to assert it or “prove” it. But then, past the momentary surprise, what I felt was a deep, extreme (albeit still partly incredulous) validation. 

It’s funny how validations can come in different flavors. There’s the ones from my trans/nonbinary/genderqueer friends; the ones from other close cis friends who know me well and see me as me; the ones from my beloved & loving “adventure buddies” (cis-het men); the ones from old friends (all of them but a few also cis-het) who have accepted my “new” gender identity without any problem or doubt whatsoever; the ones coming from strangers and the “outside world”. And then there are the validations coming specifically from the environment of gay men. The latter are the newest and least familiar to me. But they are just as important to me as the other ones because they validate a profound and essential part of my identity, i.e. the gay man in me.

This other baritone & I aren’t close friends, yet, but he is one of the half dozen people with whom I have some form of connection beyond choir, e.g. he & his partner came to my birthday party a couple months ago. Whatever we want to call this relationship between us — acquaintance, loose friendship — it is a new kind of relationship for me with new dynamics. With old friends I have safe, established, affectionate dynamics that go beyond our gender identities and/or sexual orientations. With my trans/nonbinary/genderqueer friends there’s the lovely, deep connection of our non-cis gender journey. With my buddies/cis-het men friends there’s a beautiful camaraderie and tonic male intimacy. The feelings, the dynamics in all of these relationships are wonderful, rich, fun, profound. And yet they are different from the dynamics I experienced last night at the movie theatre with two other gay men or what I experience with the chorus at large most Sunday evenings: the gay man in me is always there, in all my relationships, but it’s mirrored only when I’m out with the guys from the gay men’s chorus — which, I guess, makes sense! When I’m with folks from the gay men’s chorus I’m one of the gay guys, not “the gay guy among cis-het guys” nor the “gay boy in a group of pansexual genderqueer people”. 

All of my close friendships are extremely precious to me; I value and need and enjoy all of the different feelings or dynamics they involve — and they feel very familiar. But the ones with these gay men are still new to me, like a treasure chest to which I’ve only just found the key and of which I’m only starting to get a glimpse… and yet in there there are little mirrors, or fragments of mirrors, that can reflect back to me the gay man that I am in a light that may be different from what I’ve known so far.