Category Archives: Uncategorized

This morning, I woke up with the song “Yours & Mine” by Lucy Dacus playing in my head. “I’m afraid of pain Both yours and mine Both yours and mine I’m afraid of pain From where it comes And where it falls Somebody lit the store on fire Somebody lit the house on fire SomebodyContinue reading ““Me & mine””

This morning I’m sad.  This sadness started yesterday evening after spending a couple hours with someone who had been very special to me.  Ten months ago, this person had come to visit me in Colorado, staying with me a whole week a few months after my move from California. This time, they were in townContinue reading “Today’s sadness”

Somehow, this is still “the old me”; and yet, in many ways, I will never be the same again, neither to myself nor to the world around me. Almost two weeks ago, when the unexpected and joyful possibility of having physical intimacy before my masculinizing mastectomy dissipated as the plans with that person crashed, IContinue reading

Nothing could have really prepared me for what I felt when I saw my “new” chest yesterday after the surgeon removed the bolsters from my “new” nipples. The therapy and counseling I’ve been doing; hearing the experiences and seeing the results from other people who got masculinizing mastectomy; the sharing with other non-binary/trans persons; theContinue reading “Pinocchio turning into a real boy”

Recently, I’ve been devouring the book “Polysecure” by Jessica Fern and I would strongly recommend it to everyone, even beyond polyamory or romantic relationships.  I think many of the concepts and tools presented can be helpful for any relationship based on mutual attachment, and for myself I’m finding many parallels with my close, platonic orContinue reading ““Polysecure” in platonic friendships”

“[…] research shows that people who have safe haven relationships in their life, whether through romantic partnership or through their family, are more resilient in the face of life stressors and trauma. Attachment research has looked at many different populations including orphans, people who have experienced natural disasters, assault victims, veterans who were in combat,Continue reading “Healing”

One week ago at this time I was under general anesthesia in the middle of my masculinizing mastectomy.  In a couple weeks I’ll be starting physical therapy and hopefully in 3-4 weeks I can start running again — maybe even swimming carefully, if my scars are healed enough to avoid infection…  Last night I wasContinue reading “One week after “my big day”!”

One of the people in my local support network who came to visit me & brought me lunch yesterday afternoon made a very insightful (& important for me) remark when I told them about my housemate’s attack from Tuesday evening. My friend said, “One must be careful when someone’s ‘needs’ or ‘boundaries’ actually become abuseContinue reading “Abuse disguised as “boundaries””

“Hey — Not sorry about asking for boundaries, but I am very sorry about how I requested them. Sincere apologies.”  I’m still reeling from the shock of yet another instance of my housemate flying off the handle, being unable to check her control issues, and leash out at me.  One could argue that her “boundaries”Continue reading “I need to move out of this house ASAP”

[Trigger warning: some explicit description of the masculinizing mastectomy procedure.] Eleven days ago, I undressed and changed clothing and poses, enjoying and celebrating my body — and in many ways bidding it, or parts of it, a farewell —to the notes of this and other songs by Khruangbin for my pre-surgery “memorial” photoshoot with aContinue reading ““Shades of Man””