One of the people in my local support network who came to visit me & brought me lunch yesterday afternoon made a very insightful (& important for me) remark when I told them about my housemate’s attack from Tuesday evening. My friend said, “One must be careful when someone’s ‘needs’ or ‘boundaries’ actually become abuse of others”.
“Emotional and psychological abuse may not leave physical marks, but they can be just as destructive as physical abuse, leading to anxiety, depression, and addiction. Like physical abuse, they are primarily a means of control and a way for the abuser to feel superior. They are also more insidious because emotional and psychological abusers are evasive and often make you believe you are at fault. […] Psychological abuse also involves a person’s attempts to frighten or isolate you.”
Yes, my housemate’s “needs” or “boundaries” actually are, or have become, ABUSE: verbal and psychological and/or emotional abuse. Abuse towards me as a transgender person; abuse towards me as a convalescent person recovering from major surgery; abuse towards my needs while I am still convalescent, weak, vulnerable (physically, mentally, and emotionally), limited in what I can do and thus in need of practical, physical, mental, and emotional support & caregiving; abuse towards my friends and caregivers who are not considered worthy of even “sitting on the couch”.
This is abuse.
Unfortunately, I cannot get away from it for now as I physically cannot even imagine moving out of here, or even moving temporarily, for at least a few weeks. So for the time being, I need to do my best to protect myself, staying away from my housemate as much as possible and surrounding myself with the love and support and practical help from all my friends & people in my support network, also letting them all know about the stressful & threatening situation in which I am now living.
The Little Prince and the Fox 