Category Archives: Uncategorized

On Friday, I went to get a haircut, to get my hair cut even shorter with the hope of ensuring I would look as male (not just “masculine”) as possible for this trip. A group ice-climbing trip that I joined with one of my climbing buddies and several close buddies of his, most of themContinue reading “The crushing weight of the cis world”

If I had to describe, or label, myself on a personal level mostly around my gender identity & sexual orientation, I would say that I am, or feel like, a genderqueer/non-binary pansexual gay boy. Maybe I’d even say that I’m a genderqueer/non-binary pansexual gay guy, as in growing up from a trans boy into aContinue reading “Sometimes I wish I were a gay guy”

I’m still feeling very emotional today and still wanting to cry. These tears, like last night’s tears, are not from regret or sadness. There’s no regret in my words or feelings when I say, “There’s no going back for me”.  These tears and my feeling so emotional come from the intensity, from the breadth &Continue reading “MY BIG DAY”

At last, the tears came. Just a trickle at first, while I was driving home. And now, at home, the dam finally gave way and the tears poured out flowing freely and abundantly.  It’s really starting to hit me now, all that I’ve been through, all that I’ve put myself through, with the strength andContinue reading “That drive to change and live — with no going back”

Coming up on the one-year anniversary of their gender-affirming top-surgery, coming up on the 1-year mark of event that probably means the most to him in his life — at least, that’s how it feels now. More important than their biological birthday even, and more important (probably because more conclusive/concluded or definitive) than their legalContinue reading “So much change…!”

Is Spring here already?  Something has shifted for me, something major. Something happened ten days ago, initiating a change, an opening up, a “turning of the page”, a looking ahead & moving forward for me that I hadn’t felt in months.  I feel that all of a sudden I’m able to really experience joy, toContinue reading “The door to joy (& fear)”

About once a week I run with a neighbor who’s also a friend now and himself a runner (who runs almost every single day). Among other things, we share the passion for running and the need for it. Now we’re preparing for the same race, training sort of in parallel, and today we’ll be goingContinue reading “Run from / Move towards”

Today’s my eighth “anniversary of liberation”, i.e. eight years since I moved from Europe to California.  And yesterday, for the first time, I used a big spade and dug in the ground. Fortunately, it wasn’t frozen as the temperatures & snowfalls of the past week could have made it — or I was able toContinue reading “Burial and Liberation”

I’m not sure whether it’s the new year’s energy or the new moon energy finally coming upon/into me a week or two late, or whether it’s the positive effects of going out dancing again at last with a friend on Saturday night. Something has shifted for me, and has shifted positively, with a new openingContinue reading “New energy”

I now officially sing bass. Or maybe baritone, but still on the males’ deeper voice spectrum.  My voice has been gradually dropping for over a year and a half with some discontinuous, almost sudden, changes, like bumps downwards every now and then. For months I have been aware of how deep my voice is whenContinue reading “I now officially sing bass!”