This week I’ve been able to see close friends every single day since getting home from Chicago on Monday. That in and as of itself has been lovely; but what has made it even lovelier has been a strengthening or broadening of the bonds with them.
The Chicago trip, just as the Durango trip a few weeks ago, was good for my spirit despite being stressful due to the constant sensorial overwhelm from being in such a big city & having to fly.
I had a lot of time to myself in Chicago, which is part of what made the trip so good for me but also caused a renewed sense of loneliness, especially as I found myself processing the final conversation of shared closure that I had had with the gender-expansive gay guy the previous week. So as I sat waiting to board my plane at the Chicago airport on Monday, I texted friends to make plans for my return because I knew I wouldn’t get through this week without their support. And maybe it was partly my vulnerable openness, telling my friends that I was feeling lonely or sad and in need of company, that allowed for those bonds to be strengthened and broadened.
On Tuesday, I met for brunch and a short walk with my oldest climbing buddy. Despite having met three years ago, our friendship really started to flourish only a year later and then to really deepen over the past six months. And now our friendship is so deep and authentic that we hang out even just for chai & chat to catch up and/or support each other with or without exercise in the mix — he’s the cis-het guy who in December wrote to me, “Miss you, bro” and who a couple of weeks ago texted me saying, “Hey brother, I’m in a funk and I need help”. So I told him honestly that I felt lonely this week and his reply when I texted him on Monday was, “I’m here for you”. And indeed, he was.
On Wednesday, I had a great gym session with my closest climbing buddy who actually changed his plans with his wife to accommodate me since I was in his town that day. And then, after our climbing session, he invited me to join him out for dinner with two coworkers of his (who are also European).
On Monday and Thursday evenings, I met up with my two closest nonbinary friends, separately, and with both of them we each leaned into our friendship not only emotionally but also with more physical affection, walking down the street with our arms around each other, which I don’t usually do with them (or anyone) but really felt good to me. And with my younger nonbinary friend on Thursday night we went to a concert together, for the first time, and for the first time we danced together. Enjoying the concert together was really fantastic — something I need, the “shared joy”, the “shared fun”. And dancing together, bumping shoulders and/or hips, was such a novelty, and a sweet one. The night out with them, just as our evening out together for Valentine’s, felt like a queerplatonic date, and I loved it.
Yesterday, I went climbing with my most recent close climbing buddy, someone with whom I’ve had a good friendship for the past eight months. He’s still recovering from a bad injury to both of his Achilles so he cannot lead-climb, yet, and until now he hadn’t even belayed lead-climbing for almost six months. But yesterday he was ready to lead-belay (& I was ready to lead-climb) again and we had a very joyful moment of bonding delight after our first shared lead climb.
Last but not least, last night I had the fourth “group writing session” since the end of the poetry course. When that course ended this winter, I suggested to the other participants to keep meeting to support each other in writing and half a dozen of them agreed enthusiastically, so now we have our “buddies writing group” biweekly. It’s a really nice group of people and we already have a rapport, an ease with each other coming from having been in a poetry course together for eight weeks this winter. Of the half-dozen people, most of them have been attending the past four meeting a bit irregularly, except for myself and one other guy who shows up every time.
And now, after last night’s writing session with him, I know that he’s really a “writing buddy” for me. I’m pretty open and authentic in an unfiltered way almost all the time, even with this group of people; and we’ve been getting more comfortable and closer over the course of the past four meetings; but last night, as it was just me & him, he also loosened up much more to the extent of saying to me explicitly, “I’m also queer”. He’s a cis man and has talked about his wife briefly/vaguely, but somehow I had a feeling of there being something queer about him — but of course, I didn’t say anything about it and dismissed the idea because he hadn’t said anything. So his coming out to me last night felt really lovely: a very precious moment of bonding, an additional step in getting to know each other and getting closer, and also the proof of his feeling safe & comfortable with me. And then at the end of our writing session last night, he also said explicitly how grateful and happy he is that I initiated these “writing meetings” for us all, how helpful these sessions have been for him. It felt so good to hear that — what I felt was, “Oh my gosh, I really have a writing buddy! …and he’s a queer guy, too!”
The Little Prince and the Fox 