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I just had another moment of wonderful gender euphoria: I was walking down the street and someone outside a store addressed me, “How are you doing today, sir?” Granted, my face was mostly covered, but apparently my clothes and haircut and clearly flat chest were sufficient to point in the right “gender direction”…!

Earlier today I had one of the loveliest moments of joy coming from gender euphoria.  I was in a beautiful community garden getting ready for my first post-op photoshoot with one of my closest friends who’s an artist and while I was putting sunscreen on my scars, standing around in my masculine climbing pants andContinue reading “Gender euphoria goosebumps”

Two weeks after my KAPT session I am still feeling the beneficial effects of those psychedelic therapeutic journeys, with one of the longest-lasting sensations, still intensely alive & profoundly true within me even now, being a sense of softening and opening up while also feelings stronger, more solid, more grounded.  During my first ketamine journeyContinue reading “This is not my war”

It’s 3:30 in the morning and I’ve been awake for over an hour. I woke up to pee, as often happens during the night, but then I haven’t been able to get back to sleep despite my tiredness and the guided meditation to help me relax.  The feelings from my KAPT sessions are still lingering,Continue reading “There’s so much love — it’s overwhelming”

Sometimes you get an email that makes your day.  That just happened to me now.  This upcoming Saturday there will be a charitable 5K run in my neighborhood: I saw it posted in the Open Space where I often go for my walks or runs and decided to try and participate — as a non-binaryContinue reading “Go You, non-binary runners!”

For a while now, when I think of myself as an animal other than human, I’ve been feeling like a Big Cat, specifically, a combination of a lion (male, the one with the mane), a mountain lion or cougar (maybe female), and a cheetah.  Yesterday, I discovered that I am a peacock — also aContinue reading “The Lion & the Peacock”

[Flow of consciousness processing & “integration” after my second psychedelic experience (Ketamine-Assisted Psychedelic Therapy) from this morning] “I’m a mountain” — as I grew up out of the earth with it all.  “I’m a river” — as I let go and flowed with it all.  “I’m in the earth” — I felt that I wasContinue reading “There’s so much Love! — I know”

[Flow of consciousness processing — “integration” — after my first psychedelic experience (Ketamine-Assisted Psychedelic Therapy) from this morning] “Why words?” Indeed, why words?  And yet, that’s what I’m using right now, right now, writing words. Writing words.  Why words?  Because they define us…? Maybe…?  Because sometimes they’re all we’ve got, all we’re allowed to haveContinue reading “Why words?”

Another sad, concerning, infuriating reminder that the battle for trans people (& their allies) isn’t over, yet, and is actually getting worse in many places: https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2023/05/11/1172589936/as-conservative-states-target-trans-rights-a-florida-teen-flees-for-a-better-lif

How people (mis)gender me and react to my appearances & my being openly/explicitly queer still affects me a lot — often too much.  The cashier at the cafe where I went to get lunch today misgenered me with a colleague, referring to me as “she”, and it basically ruined my day. In my head I’mContinue reading “Burning points”