Category Archives: Uncategorized

In all fairness, though, I need to add that I know I’m not alone — and this is something that not only my head knows — my heart also feels it.  Friends are showering me with love and it’s sinking in, I’m soaking it in and it does truly help.  I know I’m strong, butContinue reading “I know I’m not alone”

The morning and evenings are the worst moments. And maybe the mornings even worse than the evenings because at night at least I can let go, indulge my pain, allow myself to feel it, cry even, unwind, lean into the loving/supportive company of friends, and eventually go to sleep. But in the mornings, I wakeContinue reading “The mornings are the worst”

“Let everything happen to you:  beauty and terror.  Just keep going.  No feeling lasts forever.” [Rainer Maria Rilke] I know this too shall pass.  But today it hurts like hell and all I can do is hold myself together from falling apart. 

I knew it would hurt. I knew it going in.  When five weeks ago I accepted the explicit invitation from my European, genderqueer friend to sleep over — and sleep with them — after going out dancing with them at a queer club, I knew I was opening the door to a whole rainbow ofContinue reading “The time-bubble has popped”

Arys is growing! Growing, growing, growing…  They can hardly believe the emotional & personal growth spurts they’ve been having over the past weeks.  They’re shedding — shedding their unhealthy patterns and automatic trauma responses as their pet snake is shedding her winter skin.  When a trigger stings, Arys stops and breathes, steps back a moment,Continue reading “Growth spurt(s)”

My email to the gym manager: [Subject: We need more concrete actions for inclusivity] ” Attention: Climbing Gym Management Hi!  Among other things, I am an AFAB non-binary trans-masculine climber, yogi, and athlete and I have been a member of these gyms for nearly four years (since summer 2019).  I am writing to you nowContinue reading “Changing the world, one action at a time”

I’m feeling more grounded, and more in the present moment, again.  Maybe all I really needed was a good night’s sleep and one whole restful day just slowing down and relaxing.  In the past ten days since coming back from my trip out West I had been feeling quite unsettled — physically exhausted, emotionally inContinue reading “Land again”

The intimate, sexual experiences I’ve recently had with my two genderqueer/non-binary/trans friends have brought me some gender affirmation that I hardly thought possible, and have thus opened up the door to the opportunity for deeper healing and broader exploration. However, I need to remind myself that these experiences are like “time bubbles”, due to pop,Continue reading “Time bubbles”

I’ve been wanting to write this post, or about these topics & feelings, for several weeks but I wasn’t ready until now — too much going on, maybe still too much to process. Now that these recents events have become self-contained time bubbles in a more clear way, or maybe more deeply integrated, I canContinue reading “Sleeping with them”

I don’t know how much of this is still the effect of the psychedelic therapy sessions I did with ketamine three weeks ago, but anyway I am still feeling extremely grounded and centered and living in the present like I have hardly ever before.  I have been feeling extremely, wonderfully loved: loved in a supportive,Continue reading “The present moment, and water under the bridge”