Author Archives: adventurerliberated

Meeting people where they’re at

Yesterday I had planned to meet up & hang out with the gender-expansive gay guy from the chorus with whom I’ve hooked up in order to have a clarifying conversation about our “friendship”. I knew what I wanted to ask him, what I wanted to say, feeling the additional protection of my post-op restrictions thatContinue reading “Meeting people where they’re at”

The lost boy and the invisible man

… And maybe be myself.  But who am I?  The boy (in) me is lost. I am struggling terribly with my gender-identity. I’ve been seeing all these masc folks (cis-men, trans-men, nonbinary transmasc persons) and they all seem so much more masculine that me — their looks, their voices.  I’m hating my voice. It soundsContinue reading “The lost boy and the invisible man”

I’m not a “hot guy”

The first time I hooked up with the gender-expansive gay guy from the chorus, he said to me just twice, “You’re a hot guy”, and it felt extremely affirming to me. I don’t see myself as a “hot guy” but hearing it explicitly from a gay man is validating of my gender-identity. At least inContinue reading “I’m not a “hot guy””

My salpingectomy is a political act

Yesterday evening my buddy who drove me & took care of me all day for my double procedure on Wednesday came over for dinner with his wife & daughter to celebrate not only the Winter Solstice with me but also my last gender-affirming surgery. It was a lovely gesture and we had a lovely time. Continue reading “My salpingectomy is a political act”

The boy who got a salpingectomy

[Trigger warning: some medical details on salpingectomy & endometrial ablation surgeries.] I am a boy. A nonbinary, trans, aro-ace gay boy. A boy with a vagina and uterus and ovaries.  And a boy who just got a salpingectomy and endometrial ablation. That means I got the lining of my uterus cauterized and removed so IContinue reading “The boy who got a salpingectomy”

Standing on the threshold: the day before

Another sleepless night, tossing and turning in bed. Restless and sleepless despite my physical tiredness.  It’s my emotions. So similar to the couple of days prior to my gender-affirming top-surgery in January 2023 and so similar to the last couple of days in Spain before moving to California in January 2016.  The main feeling IContinue reading “Standing on the threshold: the day before”

This scared child

[Trigger warning: some detail about surgery (ablation & salpingectomy).] Last night, despite my tiredness, I couldn’t fall asleep. I was physically exhausted but my mind kept spinning, taking some upsetting thoughts & feelings and running with them. I could literally see, feel the spinning — one of the few times that I have really beenContinue reading “This scared child”

“Internal Family Systems”

I’ve never really done therapy with the Internal Family Systems method but I am familiar with the concepts and tools from it. And I think I’ve been living or enacting it in my life lately, partly even unawares. Lately, I’ve been having lots of (not unpleasant) dreams in which my sister and/or my mother appearContinue reading ““Internal Family Systems””