Category Archives: Uncategorized

Three years ago, I had just gotten back to California from the 10-day “fun girls trip” I had done in Colorado with a dear friend. After such a wonderful trip in company of a close friend, and with still lots of unsettled emotions (that had been one of the reasons for our trip), I feltContinue reading “Independence Days”

This is terrible. Awful. Devastating. I wish I could elaborate on the horrible news of the U.S. Supreme Court overturning Roe but I am so upset that I cannot. I’m feeling sick in the stomach. Access to abortion is a human right. Period. How can it still be put in question and attacked in anyContinue reading “This is terrible!”

“Take criticism seriously, but not personally. If there is truth or merit in the criticism, try to learn from it. Otherwise, let it roll right off you.” [Unknown] My sister has more than once said to me that I am “immature, selfish, and self-centered”. It has hurt me and upset me, but her criticism comesContinue reading “Why am I so self-centered?”

From the daily guided meditation I listened to this morning: “May you meet this moment with kindness May you meet this moment like a good friend” May I meet and sustain this moment of renewed sadness and concern for the future with kindness. Because sadness, in fact, is what I’m feeling now. It seeped inContinue reading ““Meet this moment with kindness””

One of the songs I enjoyed the most (& listened to on repeat) on my road trip yesterday was “Aftermath” by R.E.M. (from an album which I originally connect to a specific phase of grad school). Here it is with small adaptions for some of my recent and current emotions, in an overall feeling ofContinue reading ““Aftermath””

I’m free (again)! Having allowed myself to first feel the anger, and then the pain, later allowed me to feel compassion as I realized that those two persons, in particular, cannot give me that mutuality I would like. Not because they don’t want to but just because they are not able to – not rightContinue reading “I’m freeeee! (again)”

… And I also know the reason why the lack of space for me, the fact of there not being any room for mutuality, for me to be really seen, in these two relationships is so painful or disappointing for me right now: it’s because with both of these persons there has been intellectual andContinue reading “P.S. (The pain behind the anger)”

“Feel it. That thing you don’t want to feel. Feel it. And be free.” [Nayyirah Waheed] It’s pain. Pain behind the anger. And it’s behind the anger, not underneath the anger, because it’s more as if the anger were like a veil hiding the pain. I tend to be a joyful (and I believe alsoContinue reading “The pain behind the anger”

And climbing buddies can be wonderful!  The mental fatigue started during the pandemic, partly from my own illness and isolation and partly from the extra stress of teaching online (without the right tools or preparation to do so properly). Being on leave this semester definitely helped — that’s why I was put on leave inContinue reading “Mental fatigue is real”

I’m so overwhelmed by emotions that I can hardly bear it — despite them being by far mostly positive.  I want to cry from the relief and joy, and even exhaustion.  I’m cat-sitting for friends until Monday and as I was walking down the main street in downtown, in a small city here in ColoradoContinue reading “I am trans! Another new beginning”