“How are things going for you? Miss you, bro.” Text message that one of my cis-het male climbing buddies sent me yesterday. It is messages like this one — messages and calls and visits from friends; walks&talks, lunch or coffee/tea, and movie nights with friends; all the gestures of affection and care, all the qualityContinue reading ““Miss you, bro.””
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“From Eden”
Playing in my mind this morning: “ BabeThere’s something tragic about youSomething so magic about youDon’t you agree? BabeThere’s something lonesome about youSomething so wholesome about youGet closer to me No tired sighs, no rolling eyes, no ironyNo ‘who cares’, no vacant stares, no time for me Honey, you’re familiar like my mirror years agoIdealismContinue reading ““From Eden””
Befriending my (new) body (again)
[Trigger warnings: dysphoria; scars & scar tissue.] I’m feeling tender. But more aligned with myself. The dysphoria is finally easing its grip on my mind. The surgical glue has fully come off from the three incisions on my lower abdomen: one right under my belly-button and one on each side, just above my hip bones.Continue reading “Befriending my (new) body (again)”
Protecting my boy as he steps into his own manhood
One of my closest nonbinary friends says gender is a social construct. So much of our identities in general depend on the social messaging that we get from the day we’re born. I was definitely given lots of toxic messaging as I was growing into myself — not simply for not being allowed to liveContinue reading “Protecting my boy as he steps into his own manhood”
New Year’s Resolution: I am a (nonbinary) Man
2025: New Year’s Resolution: I’m going to allow myself to be a man — to think of myself, to feel myself, to grow into myself, to express myself as my own version of man.
Meeting people where they’re at
Yesterday I had planned to meet up & hang out with the gender-expansive gay guy from the chorus with whom I’ve hooked up in order to have a clarifying conversation about our “friendship”. I knew what I wanted to ask him, what I wanted to say, feeling the additional protection of my post-op restrictions thatContinue reading “Meeting people where they’re at”
The lost boy and the invisible man
… And maybe be myself. But who am I? The boy (in) me is lost. I am struggling terribly with my gender-identity. I’ve been seeing all these masc folks (cis-men, trans-men, nonbinary transmasc persons) and they all seem so much more masculine that me — their looks, their voices. I’m hating my voice. It soundsContinue reading “The lost boy and the invisible man”
I’m not a “hot guy”
The first time I hooked up with the gender-expansive gay guy from the chorus, he said to me just twice, “You’re a hot guy”, and it felt extremely affirming to me. I don’t see myself as a “hot guy” but hearing it explicitly from a gay man is validating of my gender-identity. At least inContinue reading “I’m not a “hot guy””
My salpingectomy is a political act
Yesterday evening my buddy who drove me & took care of me all day for my double procedure on Wednesday came over for dinner with his wife & daughter to celebrate not only the Winter Solstice with me but also my last gender-affirming surgery. It was a lovely gesture and we had a lovely time. Continue reading “My salpingectomy is a political act”
The boy who got a salpingectomy
[Trigger warning: some medical details on salpingectomy & endometrial ablation surgeries.] I am a boy. A nonbinary, trans, aro-ace gay boy. A boy with a vagina and uterus and ovaries. And a boy who just got a salpingectomy and endometrial ablation. That means I got the lining of my uterus cauterized and removed so IContinue reading “The boy who got a salpingectomy”
The Little Prince and the Fox 