Author Archives: adventurerliberated

[Trigger warnings: Trauma (particularly in sexual and/or relational situations)] There’s clearly trauma that has been triggered for me here.  The reply I gave the other person’s question about relationships on our date on Tuesday night came from a place of insecure attachment and the thoughts, emotions, and behaviors I’ve had since are clear symptoms ofContinue reading “Trauma response, Adult response”

It’s 3:30 in the morning and I cannot sleep.  Last night I went on my second date with the person who picked me up at the gym: a dinner date.  On the outside, one could say it went really well: the conversation flowed pleasant and lively, never dull, continuously for a couple hours; the vibeContinue reading “Same mistake over and over again?”

These have been the best “holidays” that I’ve had in a while.  One of the strongest feelings in December 2016 was the sense of liberation and joyous relief for not having to undergo the usual “holiday tour de force” into which I had been forced my entire life up to then (or, at least, forContinue reading “Happy (Western) New Year!”

Today I went on my first official queer date. And my first date ever with a woman.  A little over a year ago, in September 2021, after a couple months of very intense climbing and regular weight-lifting, I had gotten as big & muscular as I had ever been (at least up until then), IContinue reading “Embracing Queer”

How do teenagers get anything done at all???  How can they manage to get schoolwork done, maybe a side job, get chores done, and eventually graduate? How can they focus enough, for a long enough time, to get anything practical or sensible done?  Somehow, the memories of my own “first” puberty, my own female pubertyContinue reading “Puberty all over again”

If everything goes well, I’m exactly five weeks away from my gender-affirming, masculinizing mastectomy!  Having gotten a negative (i.e. OK) result for the mammogram I had on Monday and given all the symbolism in today’s date (exactly five weeks from my planned surgery, winter solstice…), I’m going to start a gender-affirming countdown to my top-surgery,Continue reading “Gender-affirming countdown!”

When I was finalizing my decision about moving to Colorado a year ago, I can distinctly remember a particular conversation I had with one of my “sailing uncles”, one of my older friends who are also a sort of father figure for me. I was telling him that I just craved walking in the snow-coveredContinue reading “Beautiful Winter (Solstice)!”

It’s snowing hard outside and the temperatures are dropping drammatically again before plummeting well below freezing tonight and tomorrow. Everything is coated in white and I’m glowing inside. Today I got picked up at the climbing gym. By another queer person.  I haven’t experienced this kind of simply fun, uncomplicated mutual attraction in so muchContinue reading “Queer vibe”

I had years, over three decades, to get used to my female body, to make compromises with it, to put up with it, to try and love it or, at least, appreciate it — whether I liked it or not, with a mixture of positive and toxic messages from society.  As I was washing myContinue reading “Growing body hair”

[Trigger warning: explicit language about mammogram and, especially, breasts.] Today I had my first (& hopefully last) mammogram ever.  I had it done three hours ago and I’m still feeling all emotional and confused about it.  I cried a little in the clinic and wish I could cry some more now: cry more fully, moreContinue reading “Mammogram”