Author Archives: adventurerliberated

In the healing process that I have been undergoing over the past two or three months since this summer’s losses, I have often, albeit intermittently, been feeling a greater sense of “distance”, sometimes even “detachment”: from my deeper, most vulnerable feelings; from troubling memories; from some close friends.  Can I really, in only a coupleContinue reading “Distances”

Today’s ten months since getting my gender-affirming top-surgery… YAY!!! Four months ago, at the half-year mark from my gender-affirming top-surgery, I celebrated it with my European queer ex-lover. It was our last long weekend together before their return home, to Europe. We went out for dinner to one of the places that had become oneContinue reading “Ten months!”

It’s not the first time that I’ve had deep, intense emotions related to my gender identity — feeling a deeper & broader sense of exploration, discovery, and understanding of my gender — through singing or having sex (both with other people, not just myself). But I hadn’t had either in a while and I’ve experiencedContinue reading “Exploring my gender through sex & song”

In one of my dreams last night I had a beard. Still in its infancy and very fair, a light blond beard, but clearly a beard. It’s not the first time that I’ve dreamt of suddenly having — or suddenly noticing that I have — a beard. And I’m always a little upset, or troubled,Continue reading “The boy in the mirror, the boy in my soul”

I’m at a work event at a National Lab for the annual meeting of the big scientific collaboration that funds my advisor’s grant that pays my research, i.e. pays my bills. I arrived Sunday evening, the meeting started yesterday morning, very early, and finished late yesterday evening, and again another long, tour-de-force day today.  I’veContinue reading “Toxic STEM”

I had to come all the way to the U.S.A., to the Western States, to California and then even more specifically to Colorado, in order to find myself. Like Hesse’s Siddhartha: he had to go through all those experiences, all those “lives”, all those roles or “versions of himself”, to eventually, finally find himself (&Continue reading “Traces”

This last weekend of October, from Saturday through last night, I went on a trad climbing trip to Utah with my closest climbing buddy from Colorado. A three-day-two-overnight road trip together. Our first road trip together and a huge step up in our friendship, in our relationship.  Last December we spent nearly 14 hours togetherContinue reading “Platonic polyamory”

Today’s an important day — actually, both yesterday and today, two days marking important recurrences for me.  One year ago today I got the letter confirming the courthouse approval of my legal name change. Although the courthouse issued the approval on October 21st, 2022, I didn’t get the letter until October 26th, 2022, so inContinue reading “Pieces of myself blooming again”

My closest climbing buddy (who’s also a badass mountaineer) lost one of his toes on Denali, in Alaska, a few years ago.  My European genderqueer ex-lover had to have a big chunk of their tongue cut off when they had cancer a little over a decade ago.  From these two people who are both AMABContinue reading “Amputations”

One of the songs my friend from Iowa & I sang together when she joined me for a couple days on my trip in August was the ballad “This land is your land” — she with her beautiful soprano voice (& strumming the guitar) and me in my now very deep alto (or maybe alreadyContinue reading “This life is my choice”