Author Archives: adventurerliberated

Today’s my eighth “anniversary of liberation”, i.e. eight years since I moved from Europe to California.  And yesterday, for the first time, I used a big spade and dug in the ground. Fortunately, it wasn’t frozen as the temperatures & snowfalls of the past week could have made it — or I was able toContinue reading “Burial and Liberation”

I’m not sure whether it’s the new year’s energy or the new moon energy finally coming upon/into me a week or two late, or whether it’s the positive effects of going out dancing again at last with a friend on Saturday night. Something has shifted for me, and has shifted positively, with a new openingContinue reading “New energy”

I now officially sing bass. Or maybe baritone, but still on the males’ deeper voice spectrum.  My voice has been gradually dropping for over a year and a half with some discontinuous, almost sudden, changes, like bumps downwards every now and then. For months I have been aware of how deep my voice is whenContinue reading “I now officially sing bass!”

Last night I went out dancing. I went out dancing again at last.  There’s a live music & dancing venue in the town where I live where a band was playing songs by The Eagles last night and since one of my neighbors & I both really like The Eagles and had been trying toContinue reading “Pure, untainted joy again at last!”

“ This is how it is with love.  Once invited, it steps in gently,  circles twice,  and takes up as much space as you will give it.  “ [Joyce Sidman] The love I got again for a couple months last spring & summer was of a type that I hadn’t had for a long time,Continue reading ““This is how it is with love””

Grief is hitting me like a truck. Or maybe like a tsunami — because a simple wave I could ride, or swim through, or sail over.  It woke me up early this morning, maybe around 3 or 4 am. I’m not sure, I didn’t look at the time, I just let myself feel. I letContinue reading “Grief is hitting me like a truck”

[Trigger warning: vivid dream of a car crash with some injuries but no casualties; darkness.] A couple weeks ago my French climbing buddy left me a very sweet voicemail to say Hi and explain his recent silence — and he said, literally, “Sorry, dude, but life has been hitting me like a truck”.  Apart fromContinue reading ““Life is hitting me like a truck””

This has been the first good Christmas for me in years. But it’s also been very melancholic and full of different, even opposite, intense emotions.  This month of December has been rough, a roller-coaster of feelings, often difficult ones, with a lot of loneliness and fear of the holidays.  The end of the semester withContinue reading “Melancholic Merry Christmas”

I’m having nightmares. Nightmares from which I wake up screaming, or wanting to scream, wrenching myself awake with a huge, conscious effort, like a struggle for life. Then I’m left feeling shaken, scarred, almost traumatized all day long.  What’s happening?  Something is stirring in the depths of my psyche… what is it?  These nightmares seemContinue reading “Nightmares”