Turn of the Year of Healing

The last day of 2025. 

The last day of this momentous year for me.

A hard year that started with me recovering from a double procedure surgery that was also a political act. 

A year that started with forced healing and continued with deep emotional healing despite, or precisely through, all the hardships: fatigue, (autistic) burnout, vertigo, suicidal thoughts/feelings, and terrible bouts of grief. 

And yet, despite all that darkness, the light shines through more brightly: more brightly than a year ago, more brightly even than two or three years ago.  

Despite all that darkness, through all that darkness, even thanks to all that darkness, I have found some more light. More inner light than I’d felt in a long time. And, somehow, a steadier light. 

With these words, with these feelings, I’m ending this part of my blog; ready to start the New Year and all that it may bring, if not with optimism, then at least with strength and determination and openness. 

I feel open. Curious. Hopeful even. 

I still have problems to solve. I’ll solve them inasmuch as I can. 

I have lots of things to get done. I’ll do as many of them, and as well, as I can. 

I have lots of worries. I’ll attend to them while trying to not let them overwhelm me. 

I’ll do my best. And I’ll have patience and grace for myself when my best isn’t as good as I hoped.

I will be kind: kind to myself and others, trying to spread love and kindness because, boy, does the world need love & kindness now more than ever! 

I’m not negating the “bad moments” or the “bad stuff”, I’m not delusional — only a week ago I was crushed by one of my periodic bouts of devastating grief and I’m sadly aware of the horrific state of the world right now. But I’m learning to live with the difficulties, not just to ignore or suffocate them or to cope with them, but to actually live with them, possibly learning & growing from them, and I keep on going. While also accepting that part of my truth is that, if or when I decide that I’m done with “keep on going”, I can stop, I can check out, and that’s OK, too. 

But for now, I’m here to stay, to fight the battles and enjoy the surprises of the New Year around the corner!