I’m thinking of writing the following message (as a post in the bulletin board) to my chorus members because the amatonormative assumptions that are being made around the content of our next concert have come to be just too uncomfortable and othering for me.
I am aromantic. Coming out as aro is often harder for me than as trans or gay. Partly because many people (even within the queer community) don’t know what it means; and partly because the messages and stories and dynamics of “romanticism” (& sex) in which our society is constantly steeped make people on the aro-ace spectra often feel like outsiders. And this is how I’m often feeling about the content of our Spring concert. I love the material musically, I really do. But I don’t relate to the lyrics: they are harder and more foreign to me than if we were singing in Greek. And the explicit as well as implicit assumptions that are often made that we “all understand” or have “all experienced” things like “infatuation”, “being crazy for someone”, “flirtatiousness”, “inventing new words because we’re so in love” are uncomfortable and othering for me. I cannot relate to most of those feelings or concepts. I do not experience “romantic feelings”. I can feel profound love and commitment and care — I do, in fact, feel profound love & care for my friends, I am loyal & and committed to them — but not in the “romantic sense”.
Given that aro-ace people are estimated to be ~1% of the population, I might be the only person in the room at rehearsals who does not relate to the lyrics we are singing or feels uncomfortable with some assumptions — which is why I haven’t said anything until now. But given that our concerts are approaching, I feel the need to share my truth and these difficulties with you all because I really enjoy making music with you all and also hope to enjoy the upcoming shows!
The Little Prince and the Fox 