People stare at me.
Adults at the swimming-pool on average look at me with a longer and/or slightly more puzzled look than they used to when I was female-presenting and wearing some type of standard woman’s swimsuit.
Last Saturday, three teenage boys kept staring at me and talking amongst themselves as I stretched on the side of the pool after my swim workout, wearing a Speedo-like men’s swimsuit.
A couple times after a run on a very warm day recently, as I cooled-down afterwards, removing my T-shirt and stretching just in my running-shorts as most male runners do, I also got some mixed looks from cis-men runners who happened to cross paths with me: at a first glance, they smiled as if in recognition and said “Hi” in a “bro-like” way; then, after a closer look, they almost looked away or looked uncomfortable and/or confused.
These incidents leave me a little uncomfortable and confused myself.
I’m loving my body like never before and want to do things bare-chested as much as other boys do, whenever appropriate. And I want to celebrate my body. But these glances, these mixed looks, these stares cannot go unnoticed and aren’t always easy to bear, especially when they start adding up.
When I’ve shared these incidents with a few good friends here, my friends have given me very kind, sympathetic, and even empathic, replies around my feeling of discomfort, which has been very comforting. Friends have also added, more or less seriously, “People look because you’re gorgeous” or “Of course they stare, it’s because you’re hot!”
I know it’s well-meant and I’m grateful for my friends’ comments or viewpoints, or simply for their trying to cheer me up. But I still feel confused and somewhat uncomfortable. And extremely self-conscious, probably more self-conscious than ever before.
Why do people stare?
Am I really that attractive?
Or should I simply be hiding my body? Am I not allowed to wear a Speedo-like men’s swimsuit at the swimming-pool or running shorts on a warm day on a trail like cis-men, or other boys, do? Am I not allowed to wear a tight T-shirt and jeans because such outfits give away that I have a “trans-body”?
On the other hand, why do those stares, and sometimes even the well-meant comments like “You’re gorgeous” or “You’re hot”, upset me so much?
The Little Prince and the Fox 
Your body truly is a work of art – people will stare. The trick is finding the self-confidence to ignore it. It’s not the same, but people stare at my hairy legs all the time. I’m happy to say I notice less than I used to, and chuckle to myself when I do. Right now I’m wondering if it’s your scars that are drawing attention. Most people won’t understand them, but they’ll heal, as will you.
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