Walking in downtown with one of my closest non-binary/trans-masculine friends last night we had one of our best queer-affirming moments. Not just gender-affirming, but more generally queer-affirming as in challenging the status quo of several normativities — gender, sexual orientation, type of relationship.
This person is, like me, AFAB non-binary more masculine-presenting (for now). They have been on HRT for longer than myself and already had top-surgery. Our friendship is only platonic, there’s definitely no sexual attraction or interest between us, but we feel comfortable with each other so we tend to be touchy-feely with each other and have a very affectionate and camaraderie attitude between us even in public — to the point that more than once people on the street (usually men) have asked us, “Are you guys together?” — whatever do they care?!?
As we came out of the chocolate shop last night, a very cis-heteronormative couple looked at us with puzzled expressions on their faces and then looked at each other as if hoping their partner might have figured it out and then looked at us again, trying to figure us out, as if trying to find the “box” in which to put us — and it was just hilarious! And so empowering and liberating!
We were definitely very evidently queer: both of us presenting partly feminine and partly masculine, both in our clothing and in our bodies; both of us with non-binary voices that cannot be fully placed as masculine or feminine; and with this behavior or body-language between us that could be “just close friends” or a “couple” or whatever other type of close, comfortable and somewhat intimate relationship.
There’s no box. Neither for our genders nor for our gender-expressions nor for our sexual orientations nor for our relationship styles — nothing fitting into the common normativities that we’re usually brought up with.
And playing with all this — dressing in a feminine way, for instance, while exhibiting a strong masculine upper-body and a deep, almost male voice — feels so good, and even better when one can share it and play together with a friend and challenge people around us. Challenge society, challenge these fixed thoughts and pre-assigned boxes that are given to us and in which we try to stick everything and everyone and every body.
Go ahead, try to find a box! There’s no box!
The Little Prince and the Fox 