Branches

Taking a deep breath. This will probably be short, in terms of words, but it’s huge in terms of emotions. 

I just left my mother a voicemail coming out as non-binary/bi-gender and telling her that I’ve switched to “they” pronouns… This feels so terrifying..! 

My 70-year-old father is very ill, probably terminally (20% recovery/survival with the illness he has)…

Despite the holidays always being hard for me and this particular Christmas Day having been one of the roughest I’ve had in years, I can feel all the love & presence of my friends today, new and old. They are there, truly. What hurts for me during the holidays is that I cannot see them, be with them, or even talk to them, oftentimes, because most of them are busy with their families — which I realize is mostly loneliness due to social/cultural conditioning and clichés that surface more strongly during the holidays. But for so much of the time, they’re there for me. They really, really are, and I am so grateful for this, for them. 

I guess this is something I have built — we have built together…

And I know that the courage I found today for my coming-out with my mother is also thanks to all my wonderful friends whose love & support I feel so strongly: it is also thanks to them that I have been able to come into myself and feel comfortable & happy with who I am, and therefore have the courage to do the risky coming-out with my mother.

So, once again, thanks to all my friends!