Last night, I saw my bare-chested reflection in the mirror and a thought shot through my head, of its own accord or as if it were someone else’s comment: “That’s a man”. In reality, it was more a feeling than words. But then explicit words out loud followed immediately: “I don’t see her anymore”. BeforeContinue reading “I don’t see her anymore”
Tag Archives: masculinity
Protecting my boy as he steps into his own manhood
One of my closest nonbinary friends says gender is a social construct. So much of our identities in general depend on the social messaging that we get from the day we’re born. I was definitely given lots of toxic messaging as I was growing into myself — not simply for not being allowed to liveContinue reading “Protecting my boy as he steps into his own manhood”
The lost boy and the invisible man
… And maybe be myself. But who am I? The boy (in) me is lost. I am struggling terribly with my gender-identity. I’ve been seeing all these masc folks (cis-men, trans-men, nonbinary transmasc persons) and they all seem so much more masculine that me — their looks, their voices. I’m hating my voice. It soundsContinue reading “The lost boy and the invisible man”
My way of deconstructing gender
Yesterday, I had a difficult but necessary and helpful conversation with one of my dearest friends here who is a nonbinary AFAB person. Being nonbinary AFAB people is one of the things that drew us close two years ago (although I was already openly transmasculine then, too) and among other things yesterday they mentioned how myContinue reading “My way of deconstructing gender”
Joy in male closeness
The rehearsals with the gay men’s chorus keep getting better and are starting to become an actual source of joy for me. I still feel extremely anxious for hours before the rehearsal and very shy when I’m there, and I still escape to be outside by myself during our 10-minute break halfway through practice. ButContinue reading “Joy in male closeness”
Differences and commonalities — some reflections
Why did I want to join this gay men’s chorus? Why do I still want to try and be part of it? Because I like to sing. Because, from the musical viewpoint of how they sound, I prefer choirs that are either solely of high voices or solely of low voices. Because I want toContinue reading “Differences and commonalities — some reflections”
The Little Prince and the Fox 