One of my closest nonbinary friends says gender is a social construct. So much of our identities in general depend on the social messaging that we get from the day we’re born. I was definitely given lots of toxic messaging as I was growing into myself — not simply for not being allowed to liveContinue reading “Protecting my boy as he steps into his own manhood”
Tag Archives: gender
The lost boy and the invisible man
… And maybe be myself. But who am I? The boy (in) me is lost. I am struggling terribly with my gender-identity. I’ve been seeing all these masc folks (cis-men, trans-men, nonbinary transmasc persons) and they all seem so much more masculine that me — their looks, their voices. I’m hating my voice. It soundsContinue reading “The lost boy and the invisible man”
Trans Day Of Remembrance 2024
This is my third Trans Day Of Remembrance in Colorado. And probably the one I’m feeling, and celebrating, the most — at least, until now. The first one, in 2022, I was sick/recovering from COVID. Last year, TDOR 2023 almost passed unnoticed for me because I was so swamped with work. This year, I’m fullyContinue reading “Trans Day Of Remembrance 2024”
For lack of a penis?
[Trigger warnings: misgendering, potential transphobia; nude modeling; references to naked body parts, incl. genitals.] In my nude modeling session yesterday I was heavily misgendered by the instructor (a woman in, I’m guessing, her mid-forties). And it was one of the most upsetting experiences I’ve had. We started out with a standard set of gestures andContinue reading “For lack of a penis?”
My gender is a rainbow
In the past several weeks I’ve been feeling three sensations persistently. One of them — the bright, or light, one — is a liberating and profound sense of my gender being a rainbow, or maybe a kaleidoscope. I wouldn’t call it “fluid”, as in genderfluid, because to me it doesn’t feel like it’s shifting orContinue reading “My gender is a rainbow”
My way of deconstructing gender
Yesterday, I had a difficult but necessary and helpful conversation with one of my dearest friends here who is a nonbinary AFAB person. Being nonbinary AFAB people is one of the things that drew us close two years ago (although I was already openly transmasculine then, too) and among other things yesterday they mentioned how myContinue reading “My way of deconstructing gender”
Joy in male closeness
The rehearsals with the gay men’s chorus keep getting better and are starting to become an actual source of joy for me. I still feel extremely anxious for hours before the rehearsal and very shy when I’m there, and I still escape to be outside by myself during our 10-minute break halfway through practice. ButContinue reading “Joy in male closeness”
Differences and commonalities — some reflections
Why did I want to join this gay men’s chorus? Why do I still want to try and be part of it? Because I like to sing. Because, from the musical viewpoint of how they sound, I prefer choirs that are either solely of high voices or solely of low voices. Because I want toContinue reading “Differences and commonalities — some reflections”
The Little Prince and the Fox 