Category Archives: Uncategorized

I’m free (again)! Having allowed myself to first feel the anger, and then the pain, later allowed me to feel compassion as I realized that those two persons, in particular, cannot give me that mutuality I would like. Not because they don’t want to but just because they are not able to – not rightContinue reading “I’m freeeee! (again)”

… And I also know the reason why the lack of space for me, the fact of there not being any room for mutuality, for me to be really seen, in these two relationships is so painful or disappointing for me right now: it’s because with both of these persons there has been intellectual andContinue reading “P.S. (The pain behind the anger)”

“Feel it. That thing you don’t want to feel. Feel it. And be free.” [Nayyirah Waheed] It’s pain. Pain behind the anger. And it’s behind the anger, not underneath the anger, because it’s more as if the anger were like a veil hiding the pain. I tend to be a joyful (and I believe alsoContinue reading “The pain behind the anger”

And climbing buddies can be wonderful!  The mental fatigue started during the pandemic, partly from my own illness and isolation and partly from the extra stress of teaching online (without the right tools or preparation to do so properly). Being on leave this semester definitely helped — that’s why I was put on leave inContinue reading “Mental fatigue is real”

I’m so overwhelmed by emotions that I can hardly bear it — despite them being by far mostly positive.  I want to cry from the relief and joy, and even exhaustion.  I’m cat-sitting for friends until Monday and as I was walking down the main street in downtown, in a small city here in ColoradoContinue reading “I am trans! Another new beginning”

As Arys’s thyroid function renormalizes, their body is getting leaner again, the small breasts are shrinking; and as they exercise and strengthen intensely, the muscles show, the shoulders broaden, the arms grow. To top off and celebrate this renewed masculinization of their body today Arys got a boy’s tank-top at their climbing gym and thenContinue reading “And then they saw him”

From the book “The disordered mind” by Eric R. Kandel (winner of the Nobel Prize in Medicine/Physiology): ‘Stressful life events – the death of a loved one, loss of a job, a major move, or rejection in a love relationship – can trigger depression. At the same time, depression can cause or exacerbate stress. AndrewContinue reading “Too much pain is bad for us”

P.S.: I also love how my body looks and feels right now. This slight masculinization, this androgynous body in a skimpy summer dress! [I need to write this down, to say this now, because I need to have a record of this feeling. Some proof.]

“Feel it. The thing that you don’t want to feel. Feel it. And be free.” [Nayyirah Waheed] That’s from the guided meditation I did this morning. And it’s really what I needed to hear today. So I will feel it – or, at least, acknowledge it, and then get on with my day of work.Continue reading ““Feel it. And be free.””

Some days I wake up with a distinct song playing in my head and a strong desire to listen to it. This morning, it’s this one: “Short change hero” by The Heavy.