Category Archives: Uncategorized

I was just texting one of my best friends here in Colorado about how lonely I’m feeling this weekend and they asked if it’s “people withdrawal”.  Yes, I guess it is, at least partly — and such a great way of expressing it!  Moving isn’t easy. It’s actually freaking hard. And what is hitting me nowContinue reading “People withdrawal”

There are some moments with friends, or words, that are like jewels or lightning bolts or double rainbows: they seem to reach me and touch me in a way that is more direct, more unfiltered, more powerful and profound than others, clear as crystals and warm like an embracing hug.  I’ve felt several of theseContinue reading “Double rainbows”

Whether people can hear the difference, yet, or not — and although people still misgender me — my voice is now officially in the typical “male range”…!  The speech therapist recorded my voice and did the pitch analysis this morning: my average pitch is 167 Hz, which is in the “typical male range”…!!! This feelsContinue reading “167 Hz”

Yesterday, I got back from nearly two weeks in California where I finalized my move out to Colorado.  It was an intense trip with several extremely emotional moments and it’s still hard for me, at such a short distance from all those events, to parse out the different interactions, emotions, thoughts, feelings.  A great partContinue reading ““Has your voice cracked yet?””

Feelings from this morning: R.E.M. song “The Ascent of Man” (from the album “Around the Sun”) ringing in my head and the verses “I looked for you, it’s my last grand stand” particularly resonating with me; Identifying so strongly and happily as a boy, and feeling so wholly myself as a boy – one ofContinue reading ““The Ascent of Man””

I’m back in the area of coastal California where I spent six years of my life before moving to Colorado recently. I’m here to logistically finalize my move to Colorado but I’m also saying Hi/Goodbye to some friends here who are among my best friends overall. Many of these friends are much older than myself,Continue reading “Reparenting”

“Leaving New York” by R.E.M. F…, it hurts.

Today is one of those days where having a “to-do” list, things that need to be done and cannot be postponed, will be a life-line. For the past week or so, anxiety and grief have been coming and going in a two-day cycle: one day is good, I feel excited and energetic, empowered and liberatedContinue reading “Two-day cycle: Pain again”

On the other hand, though, having those two meetings that might turn out to be painful or awkward is up to me, it’s my own choice (as long as the other persons involved confirm the availability they have given me for now). If I feel that I’m not ready to, or not interested in, havingContinue reading “P.S. (“The long Goodbye”)”

In a couple hours I’ll be going out for brunch with a new friend/colleague & her husband. Yesterday I hiked a 14er with one of my best buddies here. This upcoming week I have plans to spend a couple days with another of my favorite guy-friends here as well as plans with other climbing buddies.Continue reading ““The long Goodbye””