Category Archives: Uncategorized

I honestly didn’t think this day would ever come: the day I would think of myself as a “man”. I still am, and feel, trans and nonbinary and gender-nonconforming. I always will be all that. But today I can pair those adjectives, or labels, together with the word “man” to describe myself: no longer justContinue reading “The beauty and weight of being (perceived as) a man”

[Trigger warning: grief; old age, end of life, death.] I’m falling apart. Both literally and figuratively. My body is physically falling apart which is causing my spirit to break down and my mental health to go down the drain.  I don’t know how much longer I can go on this way. If this is theContinue reading “Falling apart”

[Trigger warning: death, loss, grief.] [Spoiler alert: some details about the book “Under the whispering door”.] Two nights ago, I finished reading TJ Klune’s book Under the whispering door.  I had to take it real slow at the end, the last 50-60 pages being extremely sensitive and possibly triggering for me. I’m still unable toContinue reading ““Under the whispering door””

I’m happy — happy with a joy and a delight that I hadn’t felt in a long time. I’m scared. I’m excited, and impatient to start.  I hardly slept last night from the lingering jumble of emotions from yesterday. I thought I knew how much this meant to me but maybe I wasn’t really awareContinue reading “Standing on (yet another) threshold”

I can hardly believe it yet, but I made it! I passed the audition and am now officially a baritone in a big “gay men’s” chorus!  My heart is a jumble of emotions at the moment, the main one still being disbelief.  Definitely there’s a lot of excitement but even some fear.  What if IContinue reading “I will officially be singing baritone!”

Last night I attended a “masculinity group” organized by one of the bigger local non-profits that supports the LGBTQ+ community (& I am specifically using the reduced/reductive acronym “LGBTQ+” here, rather than the more expansive/inclusive acronym “LGBTQIA+”, because I believe that this organization, despite all the good it does, still has great shortcomings towards “I”Continue reading “Harmful assumptions even within queer spaces”

One of the big themes in the book “Under the whispering door” by TJ Klune is the distinction between what we need and what we want. The meeting and love between the two main characters brings them (& one of them in particular) to articulate this explicitly around their relationship: how it brought him toContinue reading “Need vs. Want”

This morning was one of those mornings that I was woken up by loneliness, i.e. the feeling of loneliness was so intense and unbearable once my sleep was light that I had to get up, despite the lingering tiredness, to get out of my head, out of my heart, and into my body, to move,Continue reading “Loneliness, solitude, loneliness”

Yesterday I auditioned for a big chorus that was originally for gay men, and whose majority of singers still identify as such, but that is open to whoever can sing in the low vocal ranges (tenors, baritone, bass) regardless of sexual orientation, gender identity or gender expression.  The layers of meanings that this audition hadContinue reading “Finding my voice”

I’m trying to make sense of this summer.  It’s been — and still is — a very lonely summer.  Three months ago I was terrified of what this summer might bring — all the loneliness, the grief, the sense of loss, especially given that I wouldn’t be able to do many of my favorite activitiesContinue reading “Trying to make sense of this summer”