Category Archives: Uncategorized

I’m feeling sad. And lonely.  I knew this would happen and I would do it all over again, I regret nothing, it was all worth it. But still, now it hurts. The loneliness is as thick and real as a wall.  As I’ve expressed over and over again, this loneliness I experience is both existentialContinue reading “Hello loneliness, my old friend”

“The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step” [Lao Tzu]: even if that journey might be “just” a 13.5-mile race on trail (and not add up to thousands of miles).  Almost a year ago, in October 2023, I skipped, i.e. avoided doing, a race (half-marathon on trail) because while it offered aContinue reading ““The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step””

[Trigger warning: sexuality.] I have conflicted feelings/thoughts around the phrase “coming out” — e.g. why do queer people have to “come out” while straight people don’t, i.e. being straight is taken for granted, as the norm?!? I usually prefer to describe my “coming outs” as “coming into myself more” — that’s a phrase that alignsContinue reading ““Ace”: Yet another “coming out””

[Trigger warning: loss, grief.] A year ago, I was spending my very last, beautiful and yet heart-wrenching, days together with my European queer ex-lover before they returned to Europe and our relationship, de facto, ended.  Honestly, during this whole month of July, I haven’t been thinking about this much — not nearly as much asContinue reading “Grief’s bite”

Today, my boy-chest turns 18 months old — or maybe I should say, or would rather say, 18 months young!  Part of my celebration for it included going swimming at the local outdoor pool and letting my whole body, wearing only short, tight Speedo-like trunks, bask in the sunshine and revel in the water.  IContinue reading “18 months!”

Last Wednesday, I spent most of the day with a dear friend whom I had met in California during the pandemic. They were here for several days to visit their partner’s family and made time to spend a day with me. It was one of those “gems” although it started out with me bursting intoContinue reading

In the second half of the first book of The Extraordinaries by TJ Klune, when Nick & his best friend Seth are still grappling with their own “beyond-platonic” feelings for each other, there’s a very touching moment when Nick cannot help himself and blurts out to Seth, “You make my heart so full I thinkContinue reading ““You make my heart so full…””

Another thing that I could feel, I could hear in the moment of clear semi-awakeness last night was the words “gay boy, gay boy — but what type of ‘gay boy’?”  These two words keep coming back to me when I think of myself on my own and even when I describe myself to friendsContinue reading “Gay boy/guy: what type?”

[Trigger warning: death of parent, loss grief.]  [Spoiler alert: some details about the book “Heat Wave” by TJ Klune.] Last night I had one of the sweetest moments in a dream ever.  In the past couple of evenings, the parts I’ve been reading in the book “Heat Wave” (the third book in The Extraordinaries trilogyContinue reading “The sweetest dream”

What forms our consciousness? What gives us our sense of “self”?  This question has always fascinated me, as it has thousands of people. Since fully realizing and wholly coming to live my non-binary trans identity, though, this question has acquired a deeper meaning, maybe more complicated and/or simply more personal.  As I stepped out ofContinue reading “I recognize this guy”