Author Archives: adventurerliberated

I’m pissed.  I wish people would stop suggesting I go to psychotherapy — or ask whether I have “someone to support mental health” — when I say I’m lonely.  This type of response is inappropriate, especially because most of the time it comes from people who have almost all the privileges: mostly non-queer persons, oftenContinue reading “Psychotherapy isn’t the solution for loneliness”

From the last chapter, “Where are we going? Where have we been?”, of Angela Chen’s book “Ace”:  “ Adrienne Rich wrote that compulsory heterosexuality rendered lesbian possibility invisible. It made lesbian possibility “an engulfed continent that rises frequently to view from time to time only to become submerged again”. It will take courage for straightContinue reading ““Ace (& aro) liberation””

Most of the people I know have someone to go home to: a spouse, partner(s), housemate(s), child(ren).  I don’t.  That weighs on me.  As much as I enjoy and even need a lot of time & space by myself, as difficult as it can be for me to compromise with other people’s schedules and/or needsContinue reading “Someone to go home to”

I have built my life and society works in such a way that I have no one with whom to make big plans, no one with whom I really “share my life”. Maybe I wouldn’t be able to do it in the way that most of my friends do it with their romantic/sexual/nesting partners. ButContinue reading “I need to make more/bigger plans with close friends”

I’m feeling sad. And lonely.  I knew this would happen and I would do it all over again, I regret nothing, it was all worth it. But still, now it hurts. The loneliness is as thick and real as a wall.  As I’ve expressed over and over again, this loneliness I experience is both existentialContinue reading “Hello loneliness, my old friend”

“The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step” [Lao Tzu]: even if that journey might be “just” a 13.5-mile race on trail (and not add up to thousands of miles).  Almost a year ago, in October 2023, I skipped, i.e. avoided doing, a race (half-marathon on trail) because while it offered aContinue reading ““The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step””

[Trigger warning: sexuality.] I have conflicted feelings/thoughts around the phrase “coming out” — e.g. why do queer people have to “come out” while straight people don’t, i.e. being straight is taken for granted, as the norm?!? I usually prefer to describe my “coming outs” as “coming into myself more” — that’s a phrase that alignsContinue reading ““Ace”: Yet another “coming out””

[Trigger warning: loss, grief.] A year ago, I was spending my very last, beautiful and yet heart-wrenching, days together with my European queer ex-lover before they returned to Europe and our relationship, de facto, ended.  Honestly, during this whole month of July, I haven’t been thinking about this much — not nearly as much asContinue reading “Grief’s bite”

Today, my boy-chest turns 18 months old — or maybe I should say, or would rather say, 18 months young!  Part of my celebration for it included going swimming at the local outdoor pool and letting my whole body, wearing only short, tight Speedo-like trunks, bask in the sunshine and revel in the water.  IContinue reading “18 months!”

Last Wednesday, I spent most of the day with a dear friend whom I had met in California during the pandemic. They were here for several days to visit their partner’s family and made time to spend a day with me. It was one of those “gems” although it started out with me bursting intoContinue reading