Feeling the end

[Trigger warning: end of life.]

The other persistent feeling that I’ve been having for a little over a year now (I can remember telling my swimmer/artist friend in California about it in September 2023) is of having reached my end, i.e. of having nothing left to do here, in this life, and it being time for me to go. 

I’m not feeling depressed or desperate. I just feel I’ve done, or at least tried, what I had to, what I was put on earth to do or try, and now time is up. Like the old wise ferryman Vasudeva in Hesse’s Siddhartha, who eventually walks off into the woods when it’s finally time for him to go, when he knows it’s time for him to go. I wish I could also just walk off into the woods…